They're back....

A couple of weeks ago, I began having the shakes and getting dizzy. I thought that I was on a medication that was causing these side effects. I went off the medication right away and then I began throwing up. I thought that I was going through a couple of days of withdrawal. I went through a couple of days of this and then I stopped throwing up. I thought I was getting better. In a few days I started throwing up again and after trying to get into my doctor and not getting to see her right away, Dan took me to the ER.

There, they gave me 2 bags of liquids and several shots to keep me from throwing up. I went home that night. I went back the next day because I was throwing up again. I got another shot and another bag of fluids so I wouldn't dehydrate.

On Tuesday, Dan took me down to the cities to have another MRI and a meeting with my neurosurgeon. The MRI went smooth and we went up to the doctor's office. We were meet by our nurse. She opened up the conversation with a little small talk and then she got down to business. "The MRI doesn't look good". She told us that the tumors were back. There wasn't just two but now three. In four short months, they had filled back in where they were taken out and filled in one other small place.

What do we do with the information? We were both in shock. Why us? Why now? Why again?

I still haven't processed everything. I know that I still trust God. I have to, once again, go back to what he said to me. I trust Him. I will follow Him.

Please pray for us. We know that God is faithful. May we see goodness from His hands soon. We believe that He has miracles in store for me, for our family. Pray that we see it!

Now to Him who is able to do exceedingly abundantly above all that we ask or think, according to the power that works in us. Ephesians 3:20

November 11, 2012

The food has been so good. People have signed up at church to bring a meal to us three nights a week. Let me tell you, we have needed each one. Sometimes, when I get to that time of the evening, I can't even think about supper or the plans for it. Having something to put on the table is great. Thank you from the bottom of our hearts.

As far as I go, it's slow. I feel better but have began to have shaky hands. I don't know where it comes from because I've asked the neurosurgeon if it was something they did and he said no. If I drink or eat or type or just about anything where my hands take a starring role, I shake like an old man with palsy.

I am expecting Dan's parents to leave pretty soon. They have been here to help and help they have! I appreciate family so much. I don't know how others do without.

Otherwise, I am slipping back into a routine. My body says no a couple times a day and I have to sit or lay on the couch until I get the strength to go again.

Please pray for me. Pray that God heals me and I want my shakiness to go away. Pray that I have the strength for the things that are important.  Pray that He will be glorified through all of this.

Love to you all.

What is the Difference Between Neurosurgeon and Neurologist

So, tomorrow I head to the cities to have a cat-scan and another appointment with my neurosurgeon. I've been calling him my neurologist but my oncologist says I shouldn't call him that. He's a neurosurgeon and apparently, the difference between the two is about seven figures. If you care about that kind of thing. :)

Anyway, I feel like I've done some major grumping lately. I'm sorry. I start feeling sorry for myself, wondering what I ever did to deserve this and before I know it, I'm completely depressed. I'm not immersing myself in the Word if I'm feeling sorry for myself.

I'm trying to find the "thankful" in each day. A friend reminded me in a text that God's Word says to be thankful in everything. I know I haven't been doing very good at that lately.

Pray for me, would you? Pray that I would see God each day, that I would be thankful for what He is doing in my life and that I would see Him heal me. I can do NOTHING without Him.

Update

I'm here. I just use almost all my energy to do the kid's homeschooling in the morning. I somehow think that I should be farther along, that I should be close to feeling like my old self. But I don't. It's really slow. I don't know, like I had brain surgery three times or something.

I have straightened out a few problems that I had when I came home from the hospital. Like going to the bathroom. Apparently, after three, close surgeries your body forgets how to complete even the basic things.

But, I still have my shingles. The sores are crusted over and healed up but I have nerve pain from it frequently. I am not sleeping at night - just a few winks here and there - and am being awakened by pain and itching from the side with shingles.

Please pray with me that God heals my body of these terrible shingles. I am looking forward to the day that they are no longer with me.

Otherwise, I have a very itchy head. I am supposing that the stitched areas a healing. I want to really get after it and scratch but I am only suppose to use the pads of my fingers. Sometimes, I feel like I'm one giant itch.

I renewed my driver's license last week after finding out that it expired while I was in the hospital awhile ago. It's nice to drive a car again - I didn't forget that at all. I take Shelby to practice, Levi to practice, Macy to practice. Aaah, the glamorous life of a volleyball, football, soccer mom.

My brother is doing much better. He is home and doing therapy locally. He wasn't cleared to head back to work although he thinks he should be. I'm guessing that will be pretty soon, though.

My mom and dad will be heading home next week. Their help has been great and I will miss them so much but I know it's time to try living without the help, without having someone here to help me out always. I guess it's time to try to fly on my own. I'll let you know how it goes.

Here I Am

I've spent the past few weeks just being home and recuperating. I feel like I have such a long way to go but each day is good.

Carleen will go home on Thursday and my parents will be up on the next Monday. I am sad to see her go because she has been so much fun and help. Hopefully, I will have a few weeks with my parents helping and then I will be off and running by myself.

 I will go visit the brain surgeon on Thursday and he will take my stitches out. I am so excited. I am very itchy down the back of my neck where they run. I go see the oncologist and the radiologist on Friday. Please pray for me. I am only interested in what God has to say and His will for my life.

A couple of things that you can pray for me at home or wherever you are;

Pray for stamina - to keep up with my kids and husband and life
Pray that the last of shingles to go away - that my behind would be normal again
Pray that I will know God's will concerning radiation.
Pray that God will make me a new and better Colleen - one who came through breast cancer and brain tumors and has a story to tell.

I knew I hadn't blogged in awhile. Sorry and I hope this makes up for it. Love you all!


Jesus looked at them and said, "With man this is impossible, but with God all things are possible." Matthew 19:26

I'm Home Again

Got home today a few hours ago. The surgery went well. I am tired and I am hoping to head to bed soon.

Thanks so much for your prayers. Our God is gracious and full of mercy!

Surgery today

Headed to cities today to have shunt placed. Almost 1/2 way there. I threw up in the driveway but have slept mostly since then.

Please pray that I am completely in God's caring hands. I believe he has told me that I will be completely healed and have an incredible story to tell.

Thanks so much for cards, prayers, concerns, presents! They mean more than we can say!

Pray ok!

Help

Spent most of the day in the car and the doctor's office. Went over this morning for a blood test. Also yesterday had a leak start where one of my incisions is. We went to ER last night and they sent us home. While we had the blood work done we asked my oncologist and he said we should call my surgeon in the cities.

We called and, of course, they wanted to see me today. My sis is here and kept the kiddos so Dan could take me to the appt.

About 45 min in office and my surgeon had stuck a needle in the puffy place on my neck (ouch) and taken 2 1/2 syringes of spinal fluid and stitched it up (double ouch - pretty sure I said some unchrist like things here).

If I don't leak anymore everything will be good. If my spinal fluid leaks they will put in a shunt on Thursday. It has a couple of nights hospital stay and can be done in the cities. PLEASE pray that god answers by healing my drip! I so don't want to go to the cities again. I want to say "enough is enough" but only He knows for sure.

Please pray hard. I know that God is amazing and He has things planned for us that we will only see by saying yes. I expect to be fully healed by Him and telling my story soon!

A little bit...

I'm home. It's been a week and I'm just starting to feel like things are somewhat normal.  The kids spent the week at camp and my sister was here with me. She's let me sleep and just keep a low profile. Dan is here eves and weekends. He's been amazing - everything a real husband is about.

I've been walking and walking farther each day. I seem to get more strength each day. I prayed and asked for supernatural power from Jesus. He is so good, so beautiful. I will not get strength from anything or anyone else.

I am praying and waiting for some big promises from God. Please, believe with me that He will deliver no matter what. I'm going to go now but with a message that God gave Paul and I feel he's given to me, also. Love you and I'll check back soon

Phil 4:12-13
I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned to secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. I can do ALL things through Him who gives me strength.

Here We Go Again

Where do I start? Been having these darn headaches and then the dizziness and then the puking.

We went to the ER again this Sunday afternoon because I couldn't get up or move around without throwing up and I had the most terrible head pain I've ever felt.

We got to the ER and I threw up again. The doctor on call thought we were dealing with an inner ear disturbance because I wasn't exhibiting any signs of neurological distress. He ordered a CT scan just to be sure.

He came back into my room and pulled up a chair. He said that the CT scan didn't look good. It showed two tumors on the back of my brain. One of the tumors was compressing my spinal fluid and that was very dangerous.

They admitted me to the hospital and began giving me steroids to shrink the swelling. Monday morning I had a MRI that showed the doctors more detail.

My oncologist called mid morning and without beating around the bushes said I was being transferred to Minneapolis where I would be having brain surgery by Monday night to remove one of the tumors.

I was given an (very bumpy) ambulance ride down to the twin cities. Dan and my father in law followed me very shortly and my mom and dad and two sisters from Colorado flew in a bit later. I met with the neurologist and after looking at my MRI determined that they needed to shrink the swelling in my brain with steroids before attempting the surgery.

I will have surgery on Thursday barring any complications before that time. The neurosurgeon will try to get as much of the two tumors without getting too much of the brain matter.

These tumors are most likely metastasized from my breast cancer. They respond well to radiation which I will be having following the surgery.

I am expected to be in intensive care for 1-2 days after the surgery and another 4-5 days in the regular hospital before being released.

Sorry for so much detail. My sense of humor seems to be missing as well. I covet your prayers. I am not asking why any longer. I don't know why. But I do know that God has a plan for even this. I want the light of his love and goodness to shine from my face even during this huge difficulty. I am expecting nothing short of another miraculous healing. Believe with me won't you?

Psalm 103:3-5
Bless the Lord, O my soul,
And all that is within me,
Bless his holy name!
Bless the Lord, O my soul,
And forget not all his benefits,
Who forgives all your iniquity,
Who heals all your diseases,
Who redeems your life from the pit,
Who crowns you with steadfast love and mercy,
Who satisfies you with good
So that your youth is renewed like the eagle's.

Our Kitty; the Killer

Boots is now an outside cat because a few months ago he took a liking to peeing behind our sofa downstairs. It took a bit before we realized what he was doing. We tried rehabilitating him but to no avail. So now he resides in the great outdoors. When we so rudely put him outside, he sat on our back porch for a day or two before he made a move. He was really frightened of everything.

A few months later and he is a new cat. He has become quite the killer. He loves to leave us his "treasures" on the rug inside the garage. Usually it is a mouse or a chipmunk that he has decapitated or, in more severe cases, pulled the body apart and left the entrails on the rug for us to pick up. I guess he doesn't like mouse "butt" because he leaves those behind also.

The other day I was doing my Bible study on the back porch and Boots came up beside me on the table looking for some lovin. After I scratched his head and ears he decided it was time for a nap and he plopped down on my notebook and pencil and went to sleep.

He's probably the most social cat we've ever owned but to the rodent world he's a menace. He's small but stealthy. He's a killer kitty.

Round and Round I Go

I've been having headaches for the past 3 weeks or so. They have been pretty horrible. I am used to migraines. I was diagnosed with them many years ago. But these are different. They are coming from my back, shoulders and neck.

Recently, I've added dizziness to the equation. I actually threw up a couple of times.

I've talked to my surgeon, my doctor, ER doctor, and 2 chiropractors. I've been given enough pills that I could open my own pharmacy. Muscle relaxers, Vicodin - you name it - I've got it.

So, the prevailing opinion is that while being under for 10 hours during surgery and having my arms stretched out over my head that whole time my neck was injured or stressed.

Today, my chiropractor told me that I have positional vertigo. I start physical therapy on Friday. I'm hoping they can help me.

I feel rather whiny about the whole thing. I don't want to look like a listing ship anymore. I don't want anymore medical problems. I'm sick of doctors and medicine. I just want to get on with my life.

I know that all things come into our lives for a reason. I know that I can learn even while in pain. I know lots of things in my head. It's just my heart that doesn't get it.

On a positive note, my incisions have healed up nicely. My infected spot on my incision has healed up also. No more packing it with gauze twice a day. Yay!

Beautiful Evening

Sitting in a nearby town watching Kylie play ball. It's a gorgeous evening - 73 degrees and clear blue skies.

Chewing on my sunflower seeds and enjoying the sights and sounds of summer.

Rainy Day Chicken and Noodles

It rained TONS here yesterday. I thought we might have to make like Noah and build an ark to float away in. Too bad Colorado doesn't get some of this rain because that forest fire above Fort Collins wouldn't have stood a chance against the downpour.

It was dark most of the day and a little chilly so I made a more wintery meal last night. Do you do the same? Have your meals categorized by seasons? Anyway, my dear grandmother used to make a meal somewhat like I did last night except she always made her own noodles. I remember them laying on newspaper everywhere in the kitchen. I have asked my mom for her recipe but she hasn't been able to come up with it yet.

Anyway, here's what we had last night.

Chicken and Noodles
4-5 chicken breasts ( or a whole chicken would work nicely)
big pot of water

I put the chicken breasts into the boiling water and let them boil for a good 45 minutes to 1 hour. To the pot of water I add:

1 bay leaf
1 clove minced garlic
2 stalks celery, chopped
1 small onion. chopped
3-6 whole parsley leaves, diced
1 1/2 - 2 tsp salt (taste and add more if necessary)
black pepper, to taste

I didn't have fresh celery and my last onion was rotten so I remembered that I had picked up a bag of dried veggies from my local co-op. It had carrots and celery and onion and other nice spices in it so that is what I used to season my water last night.

Squeeze 1/2 a fresh lemon into the pot.

I add wide egg noodles at the end and let them cook until done. I thicken the broth with several tablespoons of flour and water mixed together.

I also dice potatoes and boil them to make a mash potato base for the chicken and noodles. I put a pile of the mashed potatoes on the plate and put the chicken and noodles over the top. You could just eat the chicken and noodles by themselves, though, and that would be just as tasty.

NOTHING beats this comfort food. The smell of this all cooking in the pot is incentive enough to put it together one evening. Enjoy.

Happy Father's Day!

They showed this video in church on Sunday morning. It's worth the 2 and 1/2 minutes it takes to view it!



Happy Father's Day to all the great dads out there!

A Fairytale

Once upon a time, in the Land of Love there lived a girl who dreamed of her knight in shining armor. He would be strong and brave. She dreamed that he would be a big guy, taller than she, and he would have dark locks. Her prince would be kind and intelligent and true.

She needed someone who would love her for who she was. Someone who would love her unconditionally without questions.

In her Junior year of high school she went to her gym class and across the room she spied a boy who was head and shoulders above their classmates. She got closer and he was wearing his football jersey and black shorts. He turned around and she realized he had a super cute bum. This was really important because she immensely appreciated athletic men in their tight football pants.

Her heart started hammering and she wondered if he might be the one.

In her quest to be near him, she and a girlfriend signed up for flag football, the only two girls to do so. After flag football was done, she decided she would take a weigh lifting class because he would be there also.

Her prince was a bit timid and so she used her network of friends to tell his friends that she liked him. She waited and waited for the day he would ask her out on a date. Homecoming came and went with no invitation.

The sad lass was taken to dinner at the country club by her father. He knew that she was heartbroken and waiting for the day that the prince would ask her to be his.

While she waited, she looked for ways to be near him. She sat on the bleachers during football practice and watched him, she left notes on his car and she drove by his house as many times as possible.

I know, the term "stalker" comes to mind but nobody even knew what that meant back then and it wasn't that way, anyhow.

Halloween was nearing and while the girl pined away for her beloved he decided that he would ask her on a date. He asked her in weigh lifting class and she responded with a hearty, "Yes!".

Their first date was a double date to a haunted house and to A&W for vittles afterward. They made the unfortunate decision to take home the A&W mugs without paying for them and had to return them that same night so they wouldn't be placed in handcuffs. Aww, young love and the brainless things done when passion rules the heart.

On with the story. He was to pick her up at a certain time and was 1 1/2 hours late because his friend was notoriously tardy. No one had cell phones back then.

She thought he had forgotten her and that she would never see him again. He showed up and she went with him because she was pretty sure that she already loved him.

She never dated another. Neither did he. In a few months, they were talking about getting married and they did a few years later on June 17, 1989.

This prince and his bride have been married 23 years today. They have had their share of struggles. Tough jobs, unemployment, triplet pregnancy and the four lives that hung in the balance for awhile, moves to far away lands, the loss of their house and financial struggles, and breast cancer.

Their love has never wavered through it all. Each year it grows stronger and they pray that God gives them another 50 years to spend loving each other.

The End.

I have found the one my heart loves. Song of Solomon 3:4

Fast pitch

Shelby and I were in Bemidji last night for her softball game. It was a perfect night for ball. 70s and clear. Shelby pitched the second game in a double header.

She was amazing! She struck out 7 batters and her pitches were coming across the plate fast. I told her she was large and in charge!

If I sound like a proud mama, I am! :) One of the dads asked me what Shelby had been doing and I told him that she and her daddy are in the driveway every night. He asked if Dan had a bucket to sit on and I said yup because his knees gave out long ago!

We headed home around 10 pm and it wasn't dark yet! I LOVE June! It was a full moon and as we came into a clearing there was the moon glowing over a lake. It looked like a large paper lantern.

While heading north I got a call from a friend who had taken the triplets to the beach with her kids. She said Levi had cut his foot on something on the bottom of the lake and it was deep. Dan left work early. He took Levi home and cleaned it out and butterflied it together. It probably could have used stitches but we opted for this route.

He is using crutches and hopping on one foot to get around. He's not interested in putting pressure on it yet.

So we are enjoying the beautiful days. Getting our beach time and going to ball games in the evening. Kylie's 1st game is tonight.

Like I said, summer is the bomb!

Homeschooling

I thought this was cute enough to share on my blog. It was passed onto me by another homeschooling friend. Homeschooling isn't so much on the "fringes" of society as it used to be. We still run into people who think the above thoughts.

One time I was at a Pampered Chef party and an older lady was told that I homeschool my 4 children. She quizzed me about it. A few minutes later she introduced me to her daughter this way, "This is my daughter, whateverhernamewas. She's a REAL school teacher."

I didn't say anything. Yes, I know, shocking for me, right? I'm not going to debate homeschooling with anyone. Most of the time, I don't offer the tidbit that our family homeschools. I don't want to answer the same questions that are always asked.

"How are your children socialized?" - If you've been around my children you know that they are not timid, little creatures kept at home with their noses in books all day long. Besides, I figure there are four of them and beating each other up and annoying each other qualifies for some "socialization".

"How do you know that your children are keeping up with the public schools?"  - Uuumm, the last time I checked, the public schools were not doing so hot in teaching our children. So any comparisons to public schools really make me laugh. I won't laugh in your face but I'm laughing on the inside.

Anyway, I do love homeschooling most days. There are some days when I wish the yellow bus would pull up outside and wisk my kids away. We believe that God appointed us primary teachers of our children. We don't want to just teach book learning but character training. We may not be bringing up the next "Einsteins" but hopefully, we will have joyful, well adjusted children who love God and want to serve Him all their days.

Then, we will know we have been successful teachers.

I'm Back

My apologies for not posting sooner. My post the day after surgery was obviously done while under the effects of morphine. :0 I hate that stuff but I was feeling no pain that day! Anyway, this has been a tough journey. I've started several posts only to stall out and close them up without posting.

I came home from the hospital four days after surgery. I had 6 drains but they took out two before I left. I had a drain under each of my arms on my body and two coming out the front of my pubic bone. Let me tell you how fun those two were. I spent the first few days just wrapped up in a blanket because I couldn't figure out what to wear that wouldn't irritate those drains.

I did a lot of sleeping at home that first week. I stopped taking any of the pain meds they gave me 5 days after surgery. I took a pill and it made me throw up and I decide I would take the pain over the cookie tossing. One of my incisions is a cut from hip to hip so sneezing, coughing or barfing was something to be avoided if at all possible.

My mom and dad and my man were such huge help. I needed a ton of it. I couldn't walk very easily, or shower myself, or go to the bathroom without help. I couldn't sleep laying down.

Let me just tell you, I was a big, ole mess. Thank God that He designed our bodies to recover quite quickly from such serious surgery. I'm now doing most of my normal things (well, I'm not back to exercising just yet), just a little slower and I still take a nap during the day.

I went to the doctor today for another check up. He removed my drains on the last visit (YAY). This time, I have about a two inch area on my abdominal incision that is infected. So today he cleaned it out and packed it with gauze and showed me how to do it so I could change the dressing twice a day. Other than that, he admired his handy work and said everything was looking great!

I will tell you that I spent several days after surgery wondering if this was worth it. Now that I'm out a few more weeks from the surgery, I am glad that I did it. I feel now like it's not so obvious that I battled breast cancer just by looking at my chest. I can chose who I want to share my story with.

We are heading out to Iowa and then Colorado this Saturday for a niece and two nephews graduations. We are all looking forward to getting out of Dodge.

Thanks for your prayers, care and concern.

Hugs!


Lord, my God, I called to you for help, and you healed me. Psalm 30:2

The Day After

I'm alive and I HAVE BOOBIES! It's so strange to look down and see them.

My surgery went well and I was done by 4:30 - 5:00 pm. I did have problems with vomiting. I threw up every 15 minutes or so until 9 pm. They gave all the nausea meds they could and then my doctor asked me about the patch. I remembered that when I had my mastectomy they gave me a patch and I didn't get sick.

As soon as they put the patch on I stopped heaving.

Today I've slept a lot. I've been up and sitting in the chair in my room twice.

I'm so grateful to be on this side of the surgery. This feels like I've just wrapped up an epic battle.

New Booby Day

We are heading towards St. Cloud. We are suppose to be at the hospital by 5:45.

Today is the big day. It's new booby day.

I'm nervous and excited. Mostly excited to have it over and done with.

I will be in surgery all day today. Please pray that everything will go smoothly.

I will update again as soon as I can.

Sweet Sunshine

Dan and I are sitting outside at a burger joint in St Paul enjoying the great sunshine. My legs are stretched out in hopes of catching some of these wonderful rays on my white appendages. We are at the Minnesota Christian Home Educators conference for the weekend. The kiddos are with friends. Thanks God for the beautiful sunshine and the chance to refuel.

Happy Easter!

He is risen. He is risen indeed!

But on the first day of the week, at early dawn, they went to the tomb, taking spices they had prepared. And they found the stone rolled away from the tomb, but when they went in they did not find the body of the Lord Jesus. While they were perplexed about this, behold, two men stood by them in dazzling apparel. And as they were frightened and bowed their faces to the ground, the men said to them, "Why do you seek the living among the dead? He is not here but he has risen.  Luke 24: 1-6a

Surgery

Just thinking about my surgery in a few weeks and came across this joke! Isn't it great? 

My surgery is 10 hours long and I was thinking the other day about my doctor. 

Does he/his during surgery... 

go out for a cigarette and a glass of red wine? ha ha. 

back get tired from leaning over the table? 

take potty and breakfast/lunch/supper breaks?

have someone else scratch his nose (or his butt for that matter) if it itches?

ever think, "Gee, I'm tired and I really want to cut out of here early so we'll finish this up another day". 

I've been told that I am an extremely deep and complex woman.

Contemplating this exceedingly deep subject matter helps me to keep my mind off the seriousness of my surgery. 

Truthfully, I am a few weeks out from the big day and I covet your prayers for myself and the surgery. Thank you dear friends for uplifting me during this crazy journey of mine!

Toilet Paper Rationing Coming Soon to Our Household

We had a minor flood in the basement today. Our girls, one in particular, use gobs of TP.

We have a sump pump that the water from the bathroom downstairs goes into and it fills until the pump comes on and sucks it outside to our septic system. Because of the way this is set up, the water and TP other things I won't mention shoot out from the pipe and land on top of the pump.Whoever put this together to begin with didn't choose the best way.

When one's children are using a whole tree each time they take a poo, it causes the pump to malfunction. The pump doesn't go off and the basement fills with poo/pee water.

Believe me when I say it's just a lovely thing to see and smell. We had to empty the storage room of, well, all the things stored in there. Then, with the aid of the shop vac we pulled back the carpet in a portion of the basement and sucked up the water.

Dan put an elbow into the system so the TP wouldn't plop on top of the pump. I give the big guy major kudos because I wouldn't want to stick my hand down it that hole.

Then, we laid the carpet back down. We shampooed the carpet. We put everything back into the storage room.

It was all just so much more than I ever wanted to know about plumbing.

I was thinking that I might have to start rationing toilet paper.Besides, the flooding problem, toilet paper is darn expensive these days. I could have the kids come to me each time they needed to go. I would have all the toilet paper and I would ask them what kind of business they need to tend to.

"You've got to go pee. Here's your two squares."

Or, "Needin' to do a poo job? 4 squares for you".

That would be sorta fun for about two minutes and then it would get really old. :) Maybe the new elbow thingy will do the trick and these floods will be in the past.

If the waters rise again you'll be the first to know.

Getting Flushed Today

I'm in ambulatory services waiting to get my monthly port flushing. The place is extremely busy today, every chair filled. I'm sitting in a folding chair in the walkway until one of the nurses gets a free moment to take care of me.
I see new faces mostly older but one or two younger people. I did this for one whole year and coming back here reminds me how much I do not miss this place.

I joke with the nurses that it would be kind of them to set up a drive thru service for quick jobs like me.  I wouldn't even have to get out of my car to have my port flushed.

At the same time last year, I looked like this.

I can't even explain how good this year feels compared to last.

I'm not a fixture here anymore and for that I'm so thankful.

Ahoy Mateys!

I'm sitting outside in the sunshine while I type this. I downloaded a new app for my iPhone from blogger that allows me to blog on the go easier. I love it!

All of our snow has melted with the past 3-4 days of 60 plus degrees. An early spring on the heels of an odd winter. We'll take it since we haven't had as much snow this year to play in.

I'm now having a problem with sand coming into the house since our driveway is unpaved. I posted this sign on the door hoping to keep some of the dirt in the garage.

Maybe the pirate talk will help them remember. Nah, probably not!

Some of the birds have returned already and I hear a woodpecker whacking on a tree nearby.

Aah, I'm loving this... sand or no sand.

A Pet Peeve of Mine

I know that this really isn't that big of a deal in the grand scheme of life but a  pet peeve of mine concerns the use of apostrophes.
It is said that the apostrophe is one of the simplest yet most frequently misused punctuation marks in the English language. My beef comes with the way people use the apostrophe to make a word plural. One of the rules of the English language is that generally we don't use an apostrophe to make a word plural.
So, how do people goof this one up?

• There is an establishment here in town that had a banner outside for quite awhile that read, "taco's and burrito's tonight".  That one bugged me every time I drove by it! :)
• I noticed that many people when addressing their Christmas cards use an apostrophe in a family's name, like on the outside of the envelope. 

If you are one of those dorks that use the apostrophe wrong, click here to get a quick lesson. :)

I'm so glad now that I can get on with my life since I've gotten that off my chest. 

What is a pet peeve of yours?

The Carpenter at Work Again

My sweet man has been building book shelves downstairs for us. They are across from our home school table. One whole section is for our home school curriculum and books. The other three sections are for our many, many books.

We had most of them in storage because we had no place to keep them. It's so fun to be able to browse the titles again.

He's not quite finished yet. The bottom portion of each shelving unit will have doors so we can hide things like our many games.

Little by little, we are making our house more home.

Reconstructive DIEP Flap Surgery

After visiting three plastic surgeons with three different opinions about my best options, I have finally made a decision. I will be having a DIEP flap surgery with a surgeon out of St. Cloud on April 24.

This surgery takes my stomach fat and makes breasts out of it for me. It will involve an incision from hip to hip. The surgery itself will take 8 - 10 hours with 6 weeks of recovery. My hospital stay will be anywhere from 2 -5 days.

I'm not looking forward to this. I don't want to go under the knife again but I would like to have breasts again and that is the only way to get them. This surgery is hard up front - long surgery, long recovery but it gets me breasts made out of my own tissue. There will be nothing foreign in my body like an implant that can later  develop a leak. It also gets me a bit of a tummy tuck.

Hmmm, after two pregnancies and one that birthed three children at once, I could use a little help in the tummy area.

Many times this surgery is done at the same time as the mastectomy but in cases where radiation is needed, the reconstruction is delayed. My surgeon said that he would like to have me wait six months before we proceeded with the surgery. I had thought originally that I would get breast implants and that would be that. But after getting my three opinions from three different surgeons I'm really convinced that this is the best way.

If I had gone with implants alone, the chance that the breast on the right side would be lopsided or develop scar tissue and have to be removed and replaced would be great. My right side had the radiation. Radiation makes skin tough and leathery and very hard to work with.

This information has made me believe that this is the best route for me.

Please pray for me and the surgery. Pray for

• no complications or infections
• pray for quick healing and recovery
• pray that all will go smooth on the home front with care for the kids etc.
• I have a blood clotting disorder called Factor 5. Pray that I will not develop any blood clots during or after surgery.
• Pray that if this is not the right decision for me that I would have clear understanding of that.

I can't wait to feel like a complete woman again. The body that cancer took away is being reconstructed little by little again. 

White Schmuck on the Ceiling

Someone opened the refrigerator door and out flew the sour cream container. It splattered everywhere and Dan and I quickly cleaned up the splotches of the white stuff. We moved on to something else when I began to laugh out loud. My eyes glanced to the ceiling where I saw this.

Quick, make some tacos and we'll scrape that stuff off the ceiling! :)

Can I Really Have a 13 Year Old?

Shelby got her hair cut and layered yesterday. Sometimes, I look at her and I'm confused. How did I get here; old enough to have a 13 year old daughter. Actually, I could have a much older child but still... she's my eldest. 

I see her growing and maturing. She's a beauty on the outside but what counts even more is what's on the inside. She has a love for God that astounds and humbles me sometimes. I'm so thankful that God gave her to her daddy and I for these few, short years. I realized a few days ago that in five years, she will be 18. Where has the time gone?

Life just goes so quickly, made up of thousands of moments like these.

Playing in the Great Outdoors

A fun skating/sledding day at the pond with several other home school families.

Macy is laying in the middle of the ice with Kylie on the side in the snow. 

Levi is off sledding down the hill with a bunch of other boys. 3 of my 4 children ended up hurting themselves this day. Macy sledded into a post, Levi sledded into a tree and Kylie hit her head on the ice. Just another great day in the great outdoors! :)

Blood Test Results

I went in for my blood test yesterday. My blood test was to be repeated today because my liver enzymes were elevated last time. I had to call to get the results because they were busy over there. She said it looked like the numbers are coming down - still above normal but moving down. I'm guessing this is good. The doctor will review next week and we will see if I get a call from him.

The battlefield is now in my mind. When something like this happens I worry about having cancer again. I wrestle with it a bit and then I have to make a conscience decision to turn it back over to God. I, again, choose to trust, choose faith over worry, choose life over death.

It's too bad that it's not something I can decide once and it's done. But, that is not the way of life, is it? So many decisions have to be made again and again.

I was at our church's women's retreat last weekend. I was asked to give my story to the ladies there. I did so on Sunday morning. I believe that God wants me to share my story whenever I'm asked.

Hopefully, I can get the video off my phone and onto my blog sometime this week.

Ciao!

Too Pooped to Party

Dan and I are tired tonight. It might have something to do with the fact that while I was at the grocery store yesterday, my eldest child thought it was a good idea to tell a couple of the little ones a scary story.

It must have been a hum dinger. For when it was bedtime, the details of the scary story came back to haunt the kiddos. One of the little ones was up last night about 50 times until I was heard saying, "YOU HAVE NOTHING TO FEAR RIGHT NOW BUT ME!!".

My family would say that I am not "very unhospitable" when I'm woken up in the night. I fear they are right. You've seen those shows where the army recruits are kept from sleep for several days straight and made to run in the surf and crawl under things and sprayed with water. Let's just say that if someone did that to me, their death would be imminent.

So, I'm not sure what time she finally went to sleep. I just know that Dan and I are dragging butt today.

Our Future

Just received this link to a snippet about what college students think the American Dream is and who should provide that for them. Watch the clip and you will be stunned.

Where did these kids get the idea that the government is suppose to provide everything for them? I have my ideas but what do you think?

It's 4 in the Morning

It's 4 in the morning and I'm WIDE awake. I've been on steroids for ten days now. They are suppose to help with my bronchitis/ pneumonia crud. So far, they have screwed with my sleep big time. Last night, I felt close to exhaustion- the way I felt many months ago. So I went to bed at a decent time and went right to sleep only to wake up now and be fully awake!

Yesterday was my last day taking the steroids so hopfully my sleep will return soon.

 I went in for my 3 month check up on Friday. I have yet to hear the words from my oncologist, "Colleen, you are cancer free or NED (no evidence of disease)". I would say my oncologist is "cautiously optomistic" with me. I just want to hear him say that I've beaten this thing and I can be on my way. I'll take it three months at a time, I guess.

I could ask myself why it's important for me to hear those words from him. I believe God has healed me and that should be good enough, right?

 My liver enzymes were a little elevated but he said that could be from this viral crud I've had for a month now. I have to go back in in 2 weeks for another blood test to see if the levels have returned to normal.

 So this is the way the year after battling cancer will go. In once a month to have my port flushed. In every three months to see the oncologist and have blood work done.

When I'm back there and see all those people getting their chemo I'm filled with lots of emotions. I want to get in and out of there as quick as possible. I don't want to remember how painfully hard it has been.

I just want to look forward.

I had cancer but it does not define me.

Just What is Neutering?

Our two, younger girls went to see their friends, Grace and Abby to play Saturday afternoon. Today, I received an email from their mother, Sara, about a conversation she had with Macy. I'm posting it here because it's too funny to pass up.

A little background before you read the email below. Boots, our cat, is getting neutered on Wednesday and we've had a few conversations with the kids about what will take place and why. We wanted them to know that Boots will be sore and moving slow for a few days.

Here's Sara's email to me. Thanks, Sara for sharing this with me!

Here's a conversation I had with Macy the other day:

Macy:  "Does your cat still have its claws?"

Me: "Yes, cause they stay outside."

Macy: "We're having our cats penis taken off and his claws."

Me: "Oh, that's getting a cat fixed. Only I don't think they take off the whole penis, I think they take off the other body part, the testicles."

Macy: Oh yeah, the balls. They're taking off the balls.

Then later she repeated, "We're getting our cats balls taken off."

I held in my laughter all day long, until after the kids went to bed and I got to tell Josh about it, and it felt SO GOOD to laugh!  Grace was quite stunned you know. I just went through a sex book with her and she learned about it all.  She was actually speechless over this conversation, it was SO FUNNY.

Our Talking Fire Alarm

It's late into the night and Dan and I are sawing logs. In the fog of deep sleep I hear some woman say, "Low battery". I wonder if there is an intruder in our house. Never mind, that she's not being very stealthy if she's wandering around saying "Low Battery". I sit up and wipe the drool from my mouth and wonder where that voice came from. I poke Daniel and tell him that someone said "So sorry". He tells me that it's probably Shelby's cell phone. I tell him that it was some lady speaking.

Finally, Dan wakes up enough to tell me that it's our fire/smoke alarm speaking to us. "She" has freaked us out more than once. When we first moved in here, the kiddos were in the basement when the fire alarm went off and we heard her saying, "Fire, fire, fire!". The kids came running upstairs lickety split with the whites of their eyes showing wondering who the lady was yelling at them in the basement and expecting to see the house going up in flames.

She kept speaking to us the rest of the night at least hourly if not more. Good thing she wasn't a real person because I would have cheerfully shot a hole through her last night. Dan replaced the batteries today and, hopefully, we won't hear from the lady again for awhile.

I'm a Sick Puppy...

but some of you already knew that!

Dan forced me to go to the doctor today. :) I have a little bit of my Mother in me; she didn't take us to the doctor unless we were bleeding profusely in some manner. Then, it was still a toss of the dice as to whether she would haul us in. If we were bleeding, she would ask us if we wanted her to saw off the other leg or arm. Adore my Mom, but sympathy or empathy is not her strong suit. If we wanted that, we went to Dad.

Anyway, I was rattling and rolling while I breathed in my sleep last night and Dan thought I should go get it checked out. I think my immune system hasn't quite bounced back from the cancer treatments.

The doc said I have bronchitis/pneumonia. She gave me a shot of steroids in my bum, an inhaler and a heavy duty antibiotic. I hate to take antibiotics but sometimes the body just needs them to push it in the right direction.

Hopefully, I'm headed in the right direction. My husky, bar room voice will be gone soon. Guess I better make a little more money with it while I can.

Ha ha, just joking! :)

The "Do You Really Care About This Crud" Post

I'm sitting on my couch with my laptop. The fireplace is on (I wish I had a wood fireplace), snow falling outside, and a lazy kitten sleeping right in front of the fire.

I've been fighting a nasty cold for close to two weeks now. I've got a cough that sounds like I've been smoking  Camels since I was four. I thought I was getting over this cold and it seems to have circled back around on me. My nose is running today and it's making me grumpy.

We are settling back into routine since Christmas has come and gone. I am having less achy bones these days and for that I am so grateful. I'm guessing my chemo meds are finally working their way out of my system.

I went and got my Chia Pet hair cut today and I finally feel like it has some style. The Afro is gone! She told me that I have perfect Hallie Berry hair right now. Thank you very much. Here's a quick pic of the new do. Check out the hair and dismiss the pale skin, watery eyes and red nose.

We have been running quite a bit lately. Shelby has been to the dentist more times that I can count. She has 3 baby teeth that are not coming out of her mouth due to extremely long roots anchoring them in there. She had two pulled on Monday and then another one and a filling next Monday. She's been quite a trouper and will be glad to have this all over. We are also making trips to visit an orthodontist to determine if she needs braces on her teeth. Time for one of us to look for a night job.

My house could use a good cleaning right now. The laundry isn't washing itself. I should put supper on the stove pretty soon. But this couch is feeling pretty good. Maybe a little nap like kitty wouldn't be such a bad thing...

Home Made Pretzels

After we finished up school today we decided that we should try our hand at making big, soft pretzels like you can buy at the mall. I remember having a recipe from way back that I dig out of my black binder full of recipes from the past 25 years.

My kids are always hungry these days. No matter that they just finished lunch twenty minutes earlier. I'm guess we are being prepared for the "teenager days" when our house will be filled with four of them that have appetites the size of the Grand Canyon. Maybe it's time to buy a farm so we can raise our own food.

At any rate, these pretzels were delicious! We made the dough then shaped the pretzels into all different shapes. We boiled them in baking soda and water and then popped them in the oven for 10 minutes. Out came some super, yummy pretzels. We dropped them in melted butter and dusted them with cinnamon and sugar. A few of them we covered with pretzel salt.

The snack was a hit and I'm sure we will be making these again.

Pretzels
1 packet yeast or 2 1/2 tsp. yeast
1 1/2 c. warm water (115 - 120 degrees)
1 tsp. salt
1 Tbsp. sugar
4 c. flour
course salt
melted butter
cinnamon and sugar for dusting
1/2 c. baking soda

Disolve the yeast in water
add salt and sugar
blend in flour one cup at a time
knead dough on floured board for a couple of minutes
roll into rectangle
cut into strips
roll strips until they are rounded
shape (pretzel, initials, etc)

boil water and add 1/2 cup baking soda. Gently set each pretzel into boiling water. Boil for 30 seconds and set on greased baking sheet.

Pop into a 400 degree oven for 10 minutes. While still warm roll pretzel into melted butter. Either salt or dust (we dusted the heck out of ours) with cinnamon and sugar.

Chia Pet

I realized today that my hair is finally longer than my husband's again.

I pretty much look like a Chia Pet.
Or I could pass for Ken - Barbie's man.
If I was a football player, everyone would think that I was wearing my helmet 24/7.

Any way you dice it, I've got hair growing back and it's ugly. But it's my ugly hair and I'm glad to have it.