God's Unfailing Love

I had a PET scan and MRI in November and I had a Dr's appt first part of December to give me the results.

Both of the tests look great! :) My doctor said the only thing they found on the scan was that I have a kidney stone. Wow! Nothing else. Miraculous!

I am getting stronger. I am doing more than I've done in quite awhile. Last week, I joined the gym where Dan works out. I have been working out on the eliptical and I added some weight lifting to the routine.

It feels good to get better. I'm so glad to still be here. Everyday, I thank God for his work in my life.

Life is precious and a sweet, sweet gift.


Rejoice in the Lord always, I will say it again: Rejoice! Philippians 4:4

A few things

I had an MRI last Thursday and I'll have a PET scan on Wednesday and combining the two scans will let them see how I'm doing head to toe. 

I've been feeling well. I like that things are returning to normal. Whatever that is, right? 

We put out tree up last week. Wouldn't you know it that every single strand of lights we had had something wrong with it. We ended up scrapping them all and getting LED lights. I can't say that they are my favorite. Super bright and the blue is so bright it'll burn holes in your eyes if you look at it too long. 

Things are looking mighty Christmassy around here. This is my favorite time of year but that's not telling you much if you know me.

 I don't want to get so wrapped up in "commercial" Christmas that I forget the real reason why we celebrate. It's amazing to think that just a few thousand years ago our Savior was born in a stable in Bethlehem. 

May you know the real reason for the season. 

Beautiful Blankets

I have been thinking about all the kind things done for me while I was sick. One of those things was blankets made for me or bought and given to me. I had an idea to take pictures of them and put them in this blog. If I've not included your blanket its because I have a poor memory and a really poor memory of "those" days. Forgive me.

Some blankets have wonderful Bible verses. Others have get well messages on them. They are all special.

Here are some pictures. Thanks from the bottom of my heart.

Tap # 2,234 - (not really)

I had a spinal tap today. It had been a little over two weeks so it felt like it was a long time since my last one. 

I get nervous and then I have to remember to turn my anxious thoughts over to God and then I calm down. 

I had to be there by noon and we were out of there by three or a little after. The cafe in the hospital has my favorite soup on Tuesdays so it's a little bonus for me. I've definitely had a soup fetish this spring!

Anyway, my spinal went well and I just have to say thanks to God! He's amazing!

Thanks for your thoughts and prayers. 

Update

Hi. I had my first spinal tap with a new doctor today. I got a call last week that my favorite doctor had to have some surgery herself and wouldn't be able to do the tap. The new doctor did a great job and I'm at home resting comfortably. Thank you for your prayers. God has been so good to me!

I had a PET scan on Monday and will get the results when I meet my doctor next week.

Sometimes I Am So Terrified...

Sometimes I'm so terrified...

I want to know that I'm free from cancer.
I want a clean bill of health
I want to know He's healed me.

I live in between.
I'm getting better.
But everything small and big makes my thoughts scatter.
I wonder if the cancer is back. In my spine or head or stomach.
I can feel helpless and alone in a split second.

This is where I have choices to make. Do I believe Him who came to me in a dream and reassured me, telling me that He would heal me and do His good works through me?

Or do I let the dark, ugly images of cancer and death crowd my mind until there's nothing but that.

Maybe I sound like a broken record but I choose Him. I choose life moment by moment. The dark is too dark. I cannot go there.  I choose Him who said He would make my burden light if I just let Him.

Somedays it's a choice that needs to be made every couple of seconds. Other times are relatively calm.

I know I need Him. I cannot do it any other way.

I'm through it

I had my spinal on Friday. I thought it was going to be a girl but that is next time. This time I had an Asian guy. He was also from St. Cloud. They rotate through shifts up here. He got to the fluid on the first try. Three shots to numb where he went in with the blunt needle - it was over in about twenty minutes. He did hit a nerve in my leg several times that took my breath away. I actually started crying like a big baby because it's like getting hit with 220 volt of electricity. But it was over pretty quickly and I was so glad. I guess we will see how well the lady does this next time. It will be Thursday, March 7 at either noon or one. Can't remember which time right off my head.

I have begun going down the stairs and up again with my physical therapist. What a cool deal. I use the handrail and a crutch on the other side. My therapist stands in front of me and down we go! I haven't been downstairs since October or November of last year. Maybe we can start doing school down there again.

It's been in the thirties here the last little bit. Dan set me on the back of the tailgate of his truck on Saturday and then backed over to where he had a fire going outside. He and his Dad have been busy cutting down our dead trees around the property and then they burned some of the wood in a big fire. It was so nice to be outside for awhile.

I received a text today from someone who reads my blog. She sent me a great verse from the Bible that I'm going to leave you with. Chow.

 But we have these treasures in jars of clay to show that this all-surpassing power is from God. 
2 Corinthians 4:7

I guess we'll try again tomorrow...

Tomorrow is my spinal tap at 9:30 am. The radiologist from St. Cloud will be here. She is suppose to be a specialist in the spine. Hopefully, she can get it on the first try. I'm scared. It hurts even when I try my hardest to meditate on scripture or think happy thoughts. :) I'm so glad each time when it's over.

Last time I asked my doctor how much longer I would have to do this. He said that when my numbers (protein in my blood)  reach 12-60 (they are 140 right now but started at 2200) he would do the spinal tap every 3 weeks and then every month. Then, he said that most people continue with the spinal tap long term.

That really threw me for a loop. I spent the weekend in a funk. I really wondered what I was here for. Why doesn't God just take me home if I have to go through all this pain. What is life exactly? Why am I here?

I talked with my pastor on Sunday and he told me that the doctor wasn't the final authority on my health. I don't have to take everything he says as gospel truth. Not that he's not a great doctor because he is...  I didn't even think of that, of questioning what my doctor says.

God is in charge. Always. Pray with me that these spinal taps end soon. I don't know how but God does. He has a plan and it's a good one.

Even if He has decides that spinal taps are in my indefinite future.

A Few Words

I went for my spinal tap today and my oncologist and the radiologist couldn't get into my spinal fluid. I spent the afternoon there. They went ahead and gave me herceptin through my port but the spinal tap was a failure. Each doctor tried twice. I have a very sore back where the needles went in repeatedly. My oncologist wants me to wait until a radiologist comes from St. Cloud. Sometime early next week. UUUUGGHH!

I am doing better. I am more aware of my surroundings every day. Where was I? Maybe that was God's blessing so I don't remember everything that has happened to me. I don't want to look back anyway just forward to the good things God has in store for me. If I don't stand on His promises daily I can get so down and out.

Pray for me and the spinal tap next week. Pray that it will be successful from the start. As I stated before, I covet your prayers to our heavenly Daddy.

Dan and I went out last night for Valentine's Day and braved the crowds for a good meal. We waited several hours at our local Mexican restaurant (big surprise, huh). Very good food, though.

Here's a pic that Shelby took out the front window during one of our snows. Pretty, huh?

Guess I've updated enough. Have a super evening.

It Snowed!

We got about 8-10 inches of snow last night. I was hoping for a foot but at least we got some beautiful snow! A friend from church came by last night and plowed us out so we are good to go. Everything is pristine and white today. I love it! The kids are outside and have been for a couple of hours. I think they are trying to build a snow fort in the big piles of snow that the plow left.

Life is filled with school, meals, physical therapy for me, and of course, my appointment every other week to have a spinal tap. I almost forget about the appointment during the weeks that I don't have it. I will be so glad when it's done. I've been happy about the progress I'm making in physical therapy. I'm able to get up from my wheel chair to my walker without help. Dan took down the hospital bed this weekend and I've been sleeping in our bed again! Praise the Lord!

I've been sitting here wondering what to have for supper. I checked our list (my in laws Dave and Jo are here to help) and we had come up an old favorite. Tonight we are going to have burrito bake. Here's the recipe.

Burrito Bake

heat oven to 375 degrees

1 c Bisquick
1/4 c water
1 can refried beans
1 lb ground beef (cooked and drained)
1 can or jar of green chili salsa
1 1/2 c shredded cheese ( your choice I use colby jack)

Grease 8 inch square pan. Mix beans, water and Bisquick. Spread in pan. Layer remaining ingredients.

Double for 9x13 pan.

I better run. Gotta get supper going.

Hi!  How is everyone? I am doing well today. I have a physical therapist that comes by 2 times a week. Today I walked the length of the house twice!! Who hoo! I did 15 very modified squats. It doesn't seem like a lot but it's a start. I want to walk again and drive before too long. That's my goal.

I have been helping with home school each morning and helping my wonderful sister menu plan for the week. I feel like God had filled me with more energy lately. I am grateful for the zip I feel.

Our dog is getting older and he's begun falling on our wood floors. He comes out in the living room to visit and then he fall and someone (not me yet) has to help him get back up. I know he's part St. Bernard and Springer Spaniel and St. Bernards are know for hip displasia. I guess now I need to talk to the vet about supplements or pills that might help him. I know the cold doesn't help him either.

Here is Samson. What will we do when he's gone??

hi everyone!

WOW almost most 2 months since I posted. Seem to have gone through some medical crisis's since then. But God is good through everything and I'm still here tell you about it .

I'm not sure where to start or where I left off. My doctors in the cities did a scan a few months ago and discovered that I had developed malignant tumors along my spine and in my brain. They were discouraged and to be honest, I was at first. We think we can only handle what we think we can handle. Not exactly what God says in his word, though.

After Dan and I got our heads around it, we saw that it meant more radiation and chemotherapy for me. Let me tell you, that I have only gotten through these past few months by trusting Him. Nothing else is worth it.
I WILL never, ever say it's been an easy road he's asked me to walk.

Had treatment today. I go into Crosby and they hook up my  port and then they took blood. After we talk with doctor about how I'm feeling then it's time for my spinal tap where the doc puts the medicine directly in my spine. That's the painful part. I have to ask Jesus to be with me every time. I cannot do it any other way.

Today, since getting treatment, Dan and Carleen took me to get some Taco Bell (can taste spicy foods better) then home where I slept most of afternoon and finally decided to update blog. I don't feel very good right now but it's all in His hands.

SO there's everything in a nutshell. Thank you so much for your tender, loving care of me during this time. You are loved!

They're back....

A couple of weeks ago, I began having the shakes and getting dizzy. I thought that I was on a medication that was causing these side effects. I went off the medication right away and then I began throwing up. I thought that I was going through a couple of days of withdrawal. I went through a couple of days of this and then I stopped throwing up. I thought I was getting better. In a few days I started throwing up again and after trying to get into my doctor and not getting to see her right away, Dan took me to the ER.

There, they gave me 2 bags of liquids and several shots to keep me from throwing up. I went home that night. I went back the next day because I was throwing up again. I got another shot and another bag of fluids so I wouldn't dehydrate.

On Tuesday, Dan took me down to the cities to have another MRI and a meeting with my neurosurgeon. The MRI went smooth and we went up to the doctor's office. We were meet by our nurse. She opened up the conversation with a little small talk and then she got down to business. "The MRI doesn't look good". She told us that the tumors were back. There wasn't just two but now three. In four short months, they had filled back in where they were taken out and filled in one other small place.

What do we do with the information? We were both in shock. Why us? Why now? Why again?

I still haven't processed everything. I know that I still trust God. I have to, once again, go back to what he said to me. I trust Him. I will follow Him.

Please pray for us. We know that God is faithful. May we see goodness from His hands soon. We believe that He has miracles in store for me, for our family. Pray that we see it!

Now to Him who is able to do exceedingly abundantly above all that we ask or think, according to the power that works in us. Ephesians 3:20

November 11, 2012

The food has been so good. People have signed up at church to bring a meal to us three nights a week. Let me tell you, we have needed each one. Sometimes, when I get to that time of the evening, I can't even think about supper or the plans for it. Having something to put on the table is great. Thank you from the bottom of our hearts.

As far as I go, it's slow. I feel better but have began to have shaky hands. I don't know where it comes from because I've asked the neurosurgeon if it was something they did and he said no. If I drink or eat or type or just about anything where my hands take a starring role, I shake like an old man with palsy.

I am expecting Dan's parents to leave pretty soon. They have been here to help and help they have! I appreciate family so much. I don't know how others do without.

Otherwise, I am slipping back into a routine. My body says no a couple times a day and I have to sit or lay on the couch until I get the strength to go again.

Please pray for me. Pray that God heals me and I want my shakiness to go away. Pray that I have the strength for the things that are important.  Pray that He will be glorified through all of this.

Love to you all.

What is the Difference Between Neurosurgeon and Neurologist

So, tomorrow I head to the cities to have a cat-scan and another appointment with my neurosurgeon. I've been calling him my neurologist but my oncologist says I shouldn't call him that. He's a neurosurgeon and apparently, the difference between the two is about seven figures. If you care about that kind of thing. :)

Anyway, I feel like I've done some major grumping lately. I'm sorry. I start feeling sorry for myself, wondering what I ever did to deserve this and before I know it, I'm completely depressed. I'm not immersing myself in the Word if I'm feeling sorry for myself.

I'm trying to find the "thankful" in each day. A friend reminded me in a text that God's Word says to be thankful in everything. I know I haven't been doing very good at that lately.

Pray for me, would you? Pray that I would see God each day, that I would be thankful for what He is doing in my life and that I would see Him heal me. I can do NOTHING without Him.

Update

I'm here. I just use almost all my energy to do the kid's homeschooling in the morning. I somehow think that I should be farther along, that I should be close to feeling like my old self. But I don't. It's really slow. I don't know, like I had brain surgery three times or something.

I have straightened out a few problems that I had when I came home from the hospital. Like going to the bathroom. Apparently, after three, close surgeries your body forgets how to complete even the basic things.

But, I still have my shingles. The sores are crusted over and healed up but I have nerve pain from it frequently. I am not sleeping at night - just a few winks here and there - and am being awakened by pain and itching from the side with shingles.

Please pray with me that God heals my body of these terrible shingles. I am looking forward to the day that they are no longer with me.

Otherwise, I have a very itchy head. I am supposing that the stitched areas a healing. I want to really get after it and scratch but I am only suppose to use the pads of my fingers. Sometimes, I feel like I'm one giant itch.

I renewed my driver's license last week after finding out that it expired while I was in the hospital awhile ago. It's nice to drive a car again - I didn't forget that at all. I take Shelby to practice, Levi to practice, Macy to practice. Aaah, the glamorous life of a volleyball, football, soccer mom.

My brother is doing much better. He is home and doing therapy locally. He wasn't cleared to head back to work although he thinks he should be. I'm guessing that will be pretty soon, though.

My mom and dad will be heading home next week. Their help has been great and I will miss them so much but I know it's time to try living without the help, without having someone here to help me out always. I guess it's time to try to fly on my own. I'll let you know how it goes.

Here I Am

I've spent the past few weeks just being home and recuperating. I feel like I have such a long way to go but each day is good.

Carleen will go home on Thursday and my parents will be up on the next Monday. I am sad to see her go because she has been so much fun and help. Hopefully, I will have a few weeks with my parents helping and then I will be off and running by myself.

 I will go visit the brain surgeon on Thursday and he will take my stitches out. I am so excited. I am very itchy down the back of my neck where they run. I go see the oncologist and the radiologist on Friday. Please pray for me. I am only interested in what God has to say and His will for my life.

A couple of things that you can pray for me at home or wherever you are;

Pray for stamina - to keep up with my kids and husband and life
Pray that the last of shingles to go away - that my behind would be normal again
Pray that I will know God's will concerning radiation.
Pray that God will make me a new and better Colleen - one who came through breast cancer and brain tumors and has a story to tell.

I knew I hadn't blogged in awhile. Sorry and I hope this makes up for it. Love you all!


Jesus looked at them and said, "With man this is impossible, but with God all things are possible." Matthew 19:26

I'm Home Again

Got home today a few hours ago. The surgery went well. I am tired and I am hoping to head to bed soon.

Thanks so much for your prayers. Our God is gracious and full of mercy!

Surgery today

Headed to cities today to have shunt placed. Almost 1/2 way there. I threw up in the driveway but have slept mostly since then.

Please pray that I am completely in God's caring hands. I believe he has told me that I will be completely healed and have an incredible story to tell.

Thanks so much for cards, prayers, concerns, presents! They mean more than we can say!

Pray ok!

Help

Spent most of the day in the car and the doctor's office. Went over this morning for a blood test. Also yesterday had a leak start where one of my incisions is. We went to ER last night and they sent us home. While we had the blood work done we asked my oncologist and he said we should call my surgeon in the cities.

We called and, of course, they wanted to see me today. My sis is here and kept the kiddos so Dan could take me to the appt.

About 45 min in office and my surgeon had stuck a needle in the puffy place on my neck (ouch) and taken 2 1/2 syringes of spinal fluid and stitched it up (double ouch - pretty sure I said some unchrist like things here).

If I don't leak anymore everything will be good. If my spinal fluid leaks they will put in a shunt on Thursday. It has a couple of nights hospital stay and can be done in the cities. PLEASE pray that god answers by healing my drip! I so don't want to go to the cities again. I want to say "enough is enough" but only He knows for sure.

Please pray hard. I know that God is amazing and He has things planned for us that we will only see by saying yes. I expect to be fully healed by Him and telling my story soon!