Wow, I'm back. What a week we've had around here. My sisters were here from Wednesday evening to Sunday and we had such a nice time together. They were able to go with me to my second chemo treatment. We had a fun and noisy time over there together! :)
We did some Christmas shopping on Saturday. Sunday morning, we all got up and went to chuch together. Except Leigh. She had come down with a flu bug and and had spent the night throwing up with chills and the whole 9 yards. She stayed home and by the time we got home from church, Carleen was feeling ill. Those poor girls had to catch the plane back to Colorado that evening and had to endure a bus ride down there and a few hours waiting in the airport all while sick. Yuck!
Monday evening I came down with the flu. I have to say that I don't believe I have ever been that sick in my entire life and I hope to never repeat it again. I seriously wished during the night of vomiting that God would just take me home right then and there. Kylie threw up on the stairs and then moved into our bedroom. It was her and I going at it all night. My dear husband didn't get much sleep that night. By Tuesday, I was semi-upright but feeling very rough still.
I really had a tough time with my thoughts during this time. Wondering if I can do this and if I really wanted to. I can't describe the feelings because I am by nature a pretty positive person most of the time. I recognized that I had these same feelings during the triplets birth and it was associated with the steroids I am on and was on then. Unfortunately, I have to continue the steroids but have been prescribed something to help.
I also heard from many of my dear friends who had encouraging words and verses for me. My friend, Amanda texted me this after receiving news that I was having a hard time. "I will definitely pray and if there is one person I know who can get through this it's you! I've always looked up to you. Your faith and trust in the Lord is all you need! You can do it, I know you can! I love Isaiah 40:31, "but those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not faint!" I love you so much and hope things get better!" Thanks Amanda and so many others for your encouraging words.
I found out that we picked up the bug over at the hospital at chemo on Friday. It took out a whole slew of doctors and nurses and with a incubation period of 24-48 hours the timing was right.
Currently, Macy and my mother threw up last night. Levi and Shelby are down for the count right now. My Dad has had a sour stomach all day and Dan and his parents are fine. This really feels like a spiritual attack with all the other things going on beside so please continue praying for us.
The good news is that I feel awesome today! Chemo took from 9 - 2 instead of all day and that was a blessing in itself. I got to spend the day with my sweet man and we even did some Christmas shopping afterward.
I think I'm ready for Christmas. We will have soup and appetizers tomorrow night and attend our Candle Light Christmas Eve Service. We will open gifts Christmas morning.
We have so much to be thankful for! There's lots of white snow on the ground, I have TWO christmas trees up and my house is fully decorated, we are surrounded by incredible friends and family, we have a wonderful, new house we are settling into, and above all, we have a gracious, good, loving heavenly father who fights for us every day! What more could we want? :)
Merry, merry Christmas to you all!
And there arose a great storm of wind, and the waves beat into the ship, so that it was now full. And he was...asleep on a pillow: and they awake him, and say unto him, "Master, carest thou not that we perish?" And he arose and rebuked the wind, and said unto the sea, "Peace, be still." And the wind ceased, and there was a great calm. Mark 4:37-39
Even to your old age and gray hairs I am he, I am he who will sustain you. I have made you and I will carry you; I will sustain you and I will rescue you. Isaiah 46:4
Thursday, December 23, 2010
Wednesday, December 15, 2010
The Port is in...
I went this morning at 7:30 to have my port put in. I was home by 12:45 or so. I just have to say that the health care professionals at my hospital are incredible! They make things as painless as possible and I like that. :)
I was given an iv - the last one for quite awhile since I now have a port. Then, it was over to the operating room. I told them that they needed a few Christmas decorations over the operating table and I would be glad to assist them with that and then it was lights out for me for awhile.
I have an area on my left shoulder just below my collar bone that houses this thingy. It's a raised area under my skin that is a large target for needles. It is sutured to my muscle and attached to a vein that goes over the top of my heart.
On Friday, when I get my next chemo, they will stick the needle into the port and, wha-la, we're off and running.
So, I've checked another thing off the list. I don't know about you, but most of the time fear of the unknown isn't half as bad as the actual deal. I don't think I was actually fearing it but I wasn't looking forward to it with great enthusiasm either.
Anyway, I'm glad it's done and over with.
I wanted to just say thank you, thank you, thank you. I have the best friends and family in the world. The cards, emails, letters of encouragement, books, meals, taking my children to do special things with them, hats, wigs, money and all the other thoughtful ways you have reached out to me are so appreciated. I love you all and feel extremely blessed to know you. No, I'm not just saying that because I'm high from surgery. :) Thanks again!
I was given an iv - the last one for quite awhile since I now have a port. Then, it was over to the operating room. I told them that they needed a few Christmas decorations over the operating table and I would be glad to assist them with that and then it was lights out for me for awhile.
I have an area on my left shoulder just below my collar bone that houses this thingy. It's a raised area under my skin that is a large target for needles. It is sutured to my muscle and attached to a vein that goes over the top of my heart.
On Friday, when I get my next chemo, they will stick the needle into the port and, wha-la, we're off and running.
So, I've checked another thing off the list. I don't know about you, but most of the time fear of the unknown isn't half as bad as the actual deal. I don't think I was actually fearing it but I wasn't looking forward to it with great enthusiasm either.
Anyway, I'm glad it's done and over with.
I wanted to just say thank you, thank you, thank you. I have the best friends and family in the world. The cards, emails, letters of encouragement, books, meals, taking my children to do special things with them, hats, wigs, money and all the other thoughtful ways you have reached out to me are so appreciated. I love you all and feel extremely blessed to know you. No, I'm not just saying that because I'm high from surgery. :) Thanks again!
Friday, December 10, 2010
One Chemo Treatment Under My Belt
Well, one of the treatments is over and done with. It wasn't too bad. They put my iv in on the first go.
It was a long day. I checked in at 9 a.m. and didn't finish the last bag until 5 p.m. They have comfy Lazy Boy recliners to sit in and windows across the whole room. I ate a great meal from the hospital cafeteria - didn't know that was even possible! :)
I had a small reaction to the medication so it was slowed down and that accounted for the extra couple of hours.
Overall, I feel pretty good just a little weak.
I am planning on Christmas shopping tomorrow! Pray for strength and endurance for me that I may run the race, you know the one in the crowded shopping mall. :)
2 Corinthians 12:9 But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me.
It was a long day. I checked in at 9 a.m. and didn't finish the last bag until 5 p.m. They have comfy Lazy Boy recliners to sit in and windows across the whole room. I ate a great meal from the hospital cafeteria - didn't know that was even possible! :)
I had a small reaction to the medication so it was slowed down and that accounted for the extra couple of hours.
Overall, I feel pretty good just a little weak.
I am planning on Christmas shopping tomorrow! Pray for strength and endurance for me that I may run the race, you know the one in the crowded shopping mall. :)
2 Corinthians 12:9 But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me.
Thursday, December 9, 2010
MOA
We took a break from cancer and went with the Mall of America with the whole family - all eight of us. My mom and dad are here from Colorado to help with appointments and all the kids we have running around this house.
We left yesterday about 9 and returned last night at 12:30 p.m. We spent the day shopping and letting the kiddos ride the rides at the Nickelodeon Theme Park. The mall is decorated beautifully for Christmas and the shops are so varied and cool.
I had my fingernails buffed by some guy with a really bad accent who tried his hardest to sell be some priceless stuff from the Dead Sea. Run, if you see them coming at you! :)
We ate at the Rainforest Cafe for the kids.
For just a little while we all forgot about cancer. We laughed and ate and screamed (right, Shelby?). What a great day and such a nice getaway.
_______________________________________________
Today, I went to the doctor for an echo cardiogram. It was to check my heart because the chemo meds can be hard on the ticker apparently. I found out my heart is strong in good shape. Then I met with my regular doc to talk a few things over.
I have a blood clotting disorder called factor 5 that I didn't even know about until I was in the hospital in labor with the triplets. Chemotherapy can cause clotting disorders also. Please pray that blood clots don't even become an issue for me.
Anyway, chemotherapy starts tomorrow morning at 9 a.m. I was told to prepare for about 6 hours this first time because they give it slowly to see how well I tolerate it.
I started on steroids tonight. They are suppose to help with chemotherapy. Last time I was on steroids I had just had the triplets and I was a little bit of a fruitcake. Ask Dan sometime for the full story. Suffice to say that we are praying that doesn't happen this time. :)
I get a port put in next week on Wednesday and I'm told that is a much nicer way to go than having an i.v. inserted each and every time I get chemo.
Ok, enough of the cancer talk.
Thank you, thank you, thank you to my dear family, friends and church family that have reached out during this time. We have so much to be thankful for!
So do not fear, for I am with you: do not be dismayed for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you: I will uphold you with my righteous right hand. Isaian 41:10
We left yesterday about 9 and returned last night at 12:30 p.m. We spent the day shopping and letting the kiddos ride the rides at the Nickelodeon Theme Park. The mall is decorated beautifully for Christmas and the shops are so varied and cool.
I had my fingernails buffed by some guy with a really bad accent who tried his hardest to sell be some priceless stuff from the Dead Sea. Run, if you see them coming at you! :)
We ate at the Rainforest Cafe for the kids.
For just a little while we all forgot about cancer. We laughed and ate and screamed (right, Shelby?). What a great day and such a nice getaway.
_______________________________________________
Today, I went to the doctor for an echo cardiogram. It was to check my heart because the chemo meds can be hard on the ticker apparently. I found out my heart is strong in good shape. Then I met with my regular doc to talk a few things over.
I have a blood clotting disorder called factor 5 that I didn't even know about until I was in the hospital in labor with the triplets. Chemotherapy can cause clotting disorders also. Please pray that blood clots don't even become an issue for me.
Anyway, chemotherapy starts tomorrow morning at 9 a.m. I was told to prepare for about 6 hours this first time because they give it slowly to see how well I tolerate it.
I started on steroids tonight. They are suppose to help with chemotherapy. Last time I was on steroids I had just had the triplets and I was a little bit of a fruitcake. Ask Dan sometime for the full story. Suffice to say that we are praying that doesn't happen this time. :)
I get a port put in next week on Wednesday and I'm told that is a much nicer way to go than having an i.v. inserted each and every time I get chemo.
Ok, enough of the cancer talk.
Thank you, thank you, thank you to my dear family, friends and church family that have reached out during this time. We have so much to be thankful for!
So do not fear, for I am with you: do not be dismayed for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you: I will uphold you with my righteous right hand. Isaian 41:10
Tuesday, December 7, 2010
oncologist visit
I met my oncologist today. Seems like a pretty nice guy and he dumbed it down enough for us that it wasn't too difficult to follow. :) This is what I learned:
I start chemo on this Friday (12/10). I will have it every week for 8 - 18 weeks depending on how my cancer responds. Then, I will have the mastectomy followed by more chemotherapy and then radiation.
My cancer stage is 3B.
We asked about a prognosis and he wasn't ready to give one yet. He said he would see after awhile but this kind of cancer has a tendency to come back.
One huge praise is that I had no insurance and I found out today that I will be covered under a program for breast/cervical cancer patients. Completely covered, 100%, for a lifetime! Wow, God is so good!
Pray that I will tolerate the medication well because the list of side effects he went through today is frightening.
I think both Dan and I came out of our meeting with our heads spinning but I really feel much peace this evening. I can do this, one day at a time. Looking too far into the future can seem so bleak but I can do today. Thank goodness I serve a God who is not constrained by prognosis or stages or cancer. He has a plan for me and I'm good with that.
Be strong and courageous. Do not be terrified; do not be discouraged for the lord your God will be with you wherever you go. Joshua 1:9
In his heart a man plans his course, but the lord determines his steps. Proverbs 16:9
I start chemo on this Friday (12/10). I will have it every week for 8 - 18 weeks depending on how my cancer responds. Then, I will have the mastectomy followed by more chemotherapy and then radiation.
My cancer stage is 3B.
We asked about a prognosis and he wasn't ready to give one yet. He said he would see after awhile but this kind of cancer has a tendency to come back.
One huge praise is that I had no insurance and I found out today that I will be covered under a program for breast/cervical cancer patients. Completely covered, 100%, for a lifetime! Wow, God is so good!
Pray that I will tolerate the medication well because the list of side effects he went through today is frightening.
I think both Dan and I came out of our meeting with our heads spinning but I really feel much peace this evening. I can do this, one day at a time. Looking too far into the future can seem so bleak but I can do today. Thank goodness I serve a God who is not constrained by prognosis or stages or cancer. He has a plan for me and I'm good with that.
Be strong and courageous. Do not be terrified; do not be discouraged for the lord your God will be with you wherever you go. Joshua 1:9
In his heart a man plans his course, but the lord determines his steps. Proverbs 16:9
No Matter What by Kerrie Roberts
I’m running back to your promises one more time,
Lord that’s all I can hold on to,
I gotta say this has taken me by surprise,
but nothing surprises you.
Before a heartache can ever touch my life,
it has to go through Your hands,
and even though I, keep asking why, I keep asking why,
No matter what, I’m gonna love You,
no matter what I’m gonna need You,
I know that You can find a way to keep me from the pain but if not,if not,
I’ll trust you,
no matter what, no matter what.
When I’m stuck in this nothing-ness by myself,
I’m just sitting in silence,
there’s no way I can make it without Your help,
I wont even try it.
I know You have Your reasons for everything,
so I will keep believing,
whatever I might be feeling,
God you are my hope, and you'll be my strength,
No matter what, I’m gonna love You,
no matter what I’m gonna need You,
I know that You can find a way to keep me from the pain but if not, if not, I’ll trust you,
no matter what, no matter what.
Anything I don’t have You can give it to me,
but it’s ok if You don’t,
I’m not here for those things,
the touch of Your love is enough on its own,
no matter what I still love You
and I’m gonna need You
No matter what I’m gonna love you,
no matter what I’m gonna need you,
I know that You can find a way to keep me from the pain but if not, if not, I’ll trust You,
I know that You can find a way to keep me from the pain, but if not, if not, I’ll trust you,
no matter what
no matter what
no matter no matter what
Lord that’s all I can hold on to,
I gotta say this has taken me by surprise,
but nothing surprises you.
Before a heartache can ever touch my life,
it has to go through Your hands,
and even though I, keep asking why, I keep asking why,
No matter what, I’m gonna love You,
no matter what I’m gonna need You,
I know that You can find a way to keep me from the pain but if not,if not,
I’ll trust you,
no matter what, no matter what.
When I’m stuck in this nothing-ness by myself,
I’m just sitting in silence,
there’s no way I can make it without Your help,
I wont even try it.
I know You have Your reasons for everything,
so I will keep believing,
whatever I might be feeling,
God you are my hope, and you'll be my strength,
No matter what, I’m gonna love You,
no matter what I’m gonna need You,
I know that You can find a way to keep me from the pain but if not, if not, I’ll trust you,
no matter what, no matter what.
Anything I don’t have You can give it to me,
but it’s ok if You don’t,
I’m not here for those things,
the touch of Your love is enough on its own,
no matter what I still love You
and I’m gonna need You
No matter what I’m gonna love you,
no matter what I’m gonna need you,
I know that You can find a way to keep me from the pain but if not, if not, I’ll trust You,
I know that You can find a way to keep me from the pain, but if not, if not, I’ll trust you,
no matter what
no matter what
no matter no matter what
Friday, December 3, 2010
Inflammatory Breast Cancer
Cancer. A word I never really thought would be associated with me. I have inflammatory breast cancer. I've been living with the news for about 6 days now.
I meet with my oncologist tomorrow and will have lots more information then. I will be starting chemo very soon.
Funny, I don't feel sick. I feel normal, just like me. So hard to believe there is an enemy inside of me.
I have cried and cried. I have picture the worse case scenario. I have worried and wept.
I have come down to this. I am going to trust God on this. I can look back and see how he's cared for me, how he's always provided, how he's loved me. He's always had my best interests at heart and I know that hasn't changed.
1 Corinthians 2:9 says this, "No eye has seen, no ear has heard, and no mind imagined what God has prepared for those who love him."
My hope is in him. I will praise him in yet another storm.
Here is an awesome song by Matthew West. Click on link to hear it on You Tube. Listen if you get a chance.
http://www.facebook.com/l.php?u=http%253A%252F%252Fwww.youtube.com%252Fwatch%253Fv%253DswKPS9q7rMU&h=fe9a6&ref=nf
I meet with my oncologist tomorrow and will have lots more information then. I will be starting chemo very soon.
Funny, I don't feel sick. I feel normal, just like me. So hard to believe there is an enemy inside of me.
I have cried and cried. I have picture the worse case scenario. I have worried and wept.
I have come down to this. I am going to trust God on this. I can look back and see how he's cared for me, how he's always provided, how he's loved me. He's always had my best interests at heart and I know that hasn't changed.
1 Corinthians 2:9 says this, "No eye has seen, no ear has heard, and no mind imagined what God has prepared for those who love him."
My hope is in him. I will praise him in yet another storm.
Here is an awesome song by Matthew West. Click on link to hear it on You Tube. Listen if you get a chance.
http://www.facebook.com/l.php?u=http%253A%252F%252Fwww.youtube.com%252Fwatch%253Fv%253DswKPS9q7rMU&h=fe9a6&ref=nf
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