Plastic Surgery Here I Come

I was at the doctor's office yesterday morning for a post-radiation check up. My doctor was asking me about my plans for reconstruction. I regaled them with the tale of my first visit to a plastic surgeon's office that took place back in the spring. I think you will get a kick out of it, too.

I was going through chemotherapy at the time of my appointment. My surgeon wanted some information from the plastic surgeon so I went in to have a consultation about my breast reconstruction before my mastectomy.

I walked into the waiting room of the office and this place was plush. Large floral arrangements, beautiful furniture and paintings filled the space. Two nice looking receptionists sat behind desks.

I was called back to an exam room. I was told to take off all my clothes and put on a gown. The nurse walked in. On her shirt was a tag that said, "Ask me about my eyelashes". I looked up to her eyelashes and she had the biggest, longest eyelashes I've ever seen on a person. She looked like Bambi..the deer. I was surprised that she could even keep her eyes open. Her face was beautiful, no wrinkles on that forehead. Her lips were in a permanent pucker, very Angelina Jolie looking. A nice, straight nose topped off the whole deal. And she was tan. In the middle of winter in Minnesota.

So, here I am in all my glory. Bald...very plump...pasty skin and she asks me to take off my gown. I'm standing there butt naked in front of Barbie. She whips out a Polaroid and asks me to pose in several different positions. I bet she took at least thirty pictures. Of my bald, chunky monkey, naked, had 4 babies, body. I was thinking, "Sweet Jesus just take me now"!

It only gets better. In walks Ken... I mean my doctor. This man is gorgeous and tan and in a tailored, pinstriped suit with a purple tie. Let me remind you that I am still naked.. and rotund and feeling nasty. He asks me to turn around. Really, you need to see all the junk in my trunk???

After discussing my options for new boobs, I am allowed to get dressed again. I was so ready to get out of fairy tale land.

I've had one doctor's opinion and I need to get a few more. You can see why I'm not jumping for joy at the prospect of seeing another plastic surgeon. I know it was all necessary and I am super glad that we have plastic surgeons.

There are so many things about my cancer journey that I just have to laugh about. This is one of them.