A horse of a Different Color

So we're not giving up. How could we! Even though on the outside it often looks like things are falling apart on us, on the inside, where God is making new life, not a day goes by without his unfolding grace. These hard times are small potatoes compared to the coming good times, the lavish celebration prepared for us. There's far more here than meets the eye. The things we see now are here today, gone tomorrow. But the things we can't see now will last forever. 2 Corinthians 4:16-18 The Message

This chemo treatment is different from the get go. I went today at 10 and was done at 3 this afternoon. I had four chemo drugs, one drug for nausea, and one steroid dose. One of the drugs has to be administered very carefully and makes me grateful for my port. It's red in color and turns your urine red. If spilled on skin it eats right through it. My nurse sat by me with 3 huge syringes of this stuff and she pushed it into my veins over 15 minutes. They like to administer it this way to watch for any problems.

Everyone has a horror story related to these drugs. A lady who was getting chemo with me today has had two doses and has been in the hospital twice, once after each dose. White blood cell counts plummet and infection easily sets in. In the course of saving lives they practically kill you.

I felt OK walking out and riding home but after reaching my house I started feeling nauseous and sick. Once again, words fail me in describing how I feel with this crap coursing through my system.

Please pray that my white blood cell counts stay good and that I can avoid infections/colds/sickness. Pray that my nausea can be controlled. Above all, pray that my attitude and actions glorify Jesus.

Because this sucks and I want to cry...

He is Risen!

An awesome song to celebrate Jesus and what He's done for us!


Hillsong - At the Cross



Happy Easter. Have a blessed day.

Ordinary

I'm doing "normal" today and it feels so good! It's rainy and cool outside, a great day to get stuff done inside.

I just pulled the last batch of sugar cookies out of the oven and they are cooling on the wire rack. I cleaned out a closet this morning, helped Levi sort through his clothes for items that he's grown out of, helped the girl's with some math, cleaned my bathroom and bedroom.

Don't ever take ordinary for granted. Sickness brings so much into sharp focus. Clarity comes with cancer.

These days are precious. Our little ones grow way too quickly and then the house is empty and quiet. One day your healthy, the next not. Trace Adkins sings a great song called Your Gonna Miss This. Click here to see the video of his song.

Hope you're enjoying some ordinary today.

Comments

Just wanted to let you know that I've changed my blog to accept comments from anyone. You don't have to have a google account now to leave me a message. You won't see your comment right away as I've set it up so I can moderate them before they are posted to the blog.

Hope that makes it easier for you.

Upcoming Stuff

I now know what the plan is for the next few months of my life after meeting with my oncologist last Wednesday. I will begin chemo again on the Tuesday, the 26th of April...right after Easter. I will have four chemo treatments, one every 3 weeks for a total of twelve weeks. I will have 3-4 weeks off and then I will begin radiation.

My medication has been changed. I will not be taking Adriamycin, also known as the red devil. My doctor is following protocol from MD Anderson in Houston which is the premier place to get treatment for Inflammatory Breast Cancer. I will be on four chemo drugs, Cyclophosphamide, Fluorouracil, Epirubicin and Herceptin. Wow, who names these things?

My doctor explained to me that we needed to continue treatment and follow the plan even though no cancer was found in my breast tissue or lymph nodes. He said that we have one shot with this cancer and we need to give it everything we've got. He explained that if it comes back a second time, it's incurable.

A friend of mine who was diagnosed with Inflammatory Breast Cancer in September of 2010 is now in the end stages of her life. She was a stage 4 when diagnosed and it had already spread to liver and bones. She will finally get to meet Jesus and be free from this dreadful cancer so I am rejoicing with her but my heart hurts for her family and what they will go through when she is gone.

Another friend asked me how I was doing with this news. I think it's just a reminder that our life here is short... each day a precious gift from the Giver of Life. I don't want to take anything for granted. And...this life isn't all it's about, just a sliver in the expanse of eternity. I am still trusting God that he has numbered my days here on earth aright. Today I choose to trust and not worry.

So, I have one week of freedom until treatment begins again. I have a bit of dread building up in the pit of my stomach. I'm not a chemo newbie anymore. The doses are stronger than my last round of chemo. But only four more doses, right? I know that God will give me the strength to get through this.

Since this has been a somewhat somber post, I thought I would add a little humor here at the end. I have received so many wonderful cards from people all over this country. Did you know that there is a line of cards for people going through cancer? Here's a few funny cards I received from friends and family.

If people ask why you are wearing a scarf on your head and you say it's because you're a pirate... They'll have no follow-up question.
My mostly bald brother-in-law signed it by saying, "Besides, what's wrong with being bald?".

Another great card I received said,

Pretty soon the only sick thing about you will be your thoughts. Like Usual.
Hmmmm, apparently, they know me too well!

I received this card from two different people.

Advantages of Losing your Hair:
Eliminates bed head.
Can be a shining example to others.
No need for expensive hair products.
Takes off years, because you look more like your baby photo.
Gray hair? What gray hair?
And the number one advantage of losing your hair...
more places to be kissed.

Step boldly. Leap high. Soar freely. Kick butt.

And the last funny one...

A mad bunny on the front with a conversation balloon that says,
"Go -------- yourself, you --------- --------. The inside says, When the going gets tough, the tough somtimes swear a lot.

Have a blessed day!

I Have Good News

Monday, I finally remembered to check my home phone for messages. It's just one of those annoying must haves because of our internet. I forget it's there and then I finally remember and check my messages.

Anyway, social security had called about my disability application on Friday. I called them back on Monday but my counselor wasn't in that day. I was wondering what more they wanted. My dad had just helped me fill out a multi-page questionaire right after I came home from the hospital that asked all kinds of questions and took and hour and 1/2 to complete. I was on pain meds and thankful my dad was there to write and make sense of my ramblings.

So, I was thinking they were going to want some of my blood or urine or maybe, my first born child next. :) Chris, my counselor called Tuesday morning and cut right to the chase. He told me that my disability had been approved! I will get my first check in June and I will receive it for one year. I will be getting more money than when I was working. This will allow me the time to get through the rest of my treatments and then my reconstruction next spring. My family spent the rest of day sending thanks up to heaven!

I think both of us were a bit depressed just wondering how we were going to pay our monthly bills and provide the necessities for 4 growing children. I lost my job, our dryer went on the fritz, our two vehicles each with 200,000 + miles need serious work, Dan's c-pap that he uses to sleep at night died and the replacement was $1200, and then there's the cancer... and list goes on.

Both Dan and I had been struggling with this issue. We know that God provides. He's proven that to us many, many times. The Bible says that God's power is made perfect in our weakness. We were feeling pretty weak. I guess we were right where He wants us. Not trying to make things happen ourselves just relying on Him. Sure is hard to do sometimes, isn't it? I must be a slow learner. :) Just when I think I have this down, I take on the yoke of worry again. I read about the Israelites in the Old Testament and I think to myself, "Those are some seriously dumb people. Can't they see that God has provided for them time and time again?" Aaah, and then I'm exhibit A.

Here is another thing to add to the list of all the things that God has done for us!

Then Jesus said to his disciples: “Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat; or about your body, what you will wear. For life is more than food, and the body more than clothes. Consider the ravens: They do not sow or reap, they have no storeroom or barn; yet God feeds them. And how much more valuable you are than birds! Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to your life? Since you cannot do this very little thing, why do you worry about the rest? “Consider how the wild flowers grow. They do not labor or spin. Yet I tell you, not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these. If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today, and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, how much more will he clothe you—you of little faith! And do not set your heart on what you will eat or drink; do not worry about it. For the pagan world runs after all such things, and your Father knows that you need them. But seek his kingdom, and these things will be given to you as well. Luke 12:22-31

But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong. 2 Corinthians 12:9-10

Twins and Things

Most of you know that I have a twin sister, Carleen. We are fraternal twins. Our maternal grandmother was a triplet - two girls and a boy just like my triplets. My great grandmother gave birth to the triplets in 1900 at home on the farm. They were number 9, 10, and 11 in a family of 16. My grandmother was a smallish woman but she had to be a pretty strong, didn't she? My mother's side runs amok with multiple births - there have been 3 sets of twins and three sets of triplets in the past couple of generations.



My Great Grandmother and Grandmother (on the left).



My twin sister and I.

Did you know that anyone can have identical twins - the splitting of one egg just happens. Fraternal twins/triplets are passed on through the maternal side of a family. Apparently, the ability to drop more than one egg at a time is inherited. (I dropped 30 eggs one time at Walmart at the front door! Haha, I really did!)

You wouldn't believe how many strange questions we would get with the triplets, especially when they were smaller and we had them in their triple stroller. One peculiar question was, "Are they identical?". Uummm, no...all parts have to match on the kids for them to be identical and with two girls and one boy, well... "No, they are not identical". There can be identical twins within triplets. Anyway...



The triplets in the hospital.

Enough of the biology lesson. I said all that so I could post this cute video of these twins talking to each other in their own language. My mom and dad said that my twin sister and I did the same thing. We would chatter back and forth and even laugh at each other and no one could understand what we were saying. Click here to watch this fun video. Enjoy!

You Just Gotta Laugh Sometimes...

A friend of mine who also has cancer taught me about the "cancer card". Using it on someone pretty much guarantees that you'll get your way. :)



Breast Cancer humor... you just gotta laugh sometimes!

He will yet fill your mouth with laughter and and your lips with shouts of joy. Job 8:21

Recovering...

Hello! I'm sorry that it's taken me so long to post again. I have some great news to share with you. My pathology report came back this past week and there was no cancer in any of the tissues including both breasts and the lymph nodes they took during surgery. God is so good! Praise his name!

Wednesday, the day of surgery, we awoke to snow. Forecasters had been predicting 8-10 inches. I think it looked more like six but the wind was blowing it around a bit. We were to be at the hospital at 6:30 and my surgery at 7:30. My husband, sister and mother accompanied me over to the hospital. We waited a bit and then they brought me in to start my iv.

I have a port that can be used for anesthesia but for some reason, certain medical professionals are reluctant to use them. So, my doctor had asked that they put the iv in my leg or foot. I wasn't a happy camper while they tried to find a site. After several sticks and no success, they put the iv in the inside of my forearm. I don't know about you, but the iv is the worst part of the process for me. I said good bye to my family and I don't remember anything from there.

When I woke up I was in my room. I spent the rest of the day resting and I was pretty sleepy and groggy. The kids came over to visit but I don't remember much of it. I slept pretty well that night and then the next day, I walked around the halls a couple of times and began eating a few meals. I had the option of staying another day but I decided to head home so I could sleep in peace.

Sleeping has been more difficult. I slept in a chair for the first two nights because it was more comfortable. The third night I was so ready for my bed that I just made it happen, no matter the pain. I am a side sleeper and having to sleep flat on my back stinks! :) I am sure I will get to my side one of these nights.

I had a doctor's appointment on Monday. They checked my incisions and pulled my drains out. That was fun. The drains were little tubes coming out of my chest area that connected to bulbs at the end. I had two on the right side and one on the left. We had to empty the drains and measure how much was in them each time. So to have them gone is a good deal.

Ten days out from surgery I can move around on my own without assistance. I can do most things just a bit more slowly. I am feeling stronger but it feels like such a long haul. I think I need a week on a beach to soak my bones. I'm sure that would really help me heal! :)

I have had a few bad days just coming to term with the mastectomy and so many other things. My employer promised me that I would always have a job to come back to when this was all finished. I received a call the day after I got home from the hospital informing me that they couldn't keep my position open any longer and that they had hired someone else for my night shift. I'm frustrated but hopeful. God brought that job along (click here to read that story) just when Dan and I needed it the most. I trust that He will provide another if/when it is needed. I have applied for disability and it would be such an awesome thing to be approved right away. God will provide!

And my God will meet all your needs according to his riches in Christ Jesus. Philippians 4:19