There are days when my faith takes a beating. Days when I still throw around the "why" questions. When I wonder what my outcome will be. When I compare my trials to those of others.
On these days, I worry about my children and not seeing their milestones like getting their driver's licenses or weddings. I worry about my husband and not being here to share a rocking chair on the porch with my dear man late in the sunset of our lives.
I worry about money and how we will manage while I take some time off. I worry about my cancer and it's response to chemo. I wonder if there is more I should be doing, seeking experts on my disease. Is there a missing link somewhere?
I worry that I'm not a good friend, wife, mother or sister.
I guess I can worry with the best of them. One thing I do know is that all that "wallerin'" (my dad's from the south, can ya tell?) must have a time limit put on it.
I just have to keep coming back to what I know to be true. I open His word to be assured of the things I know about Him. He numbered my days when he made me and worrying won't change that.
Instead, I want to concentrate on seizing each day. I want to wring out of each day the things that I'm suppose to learn, the love that I'm suppose to give, share the joy and passion for life that God put in me. He has things for me to do and I don't want to miss them just because I have a little thing called cancer.
But now Lord, what do I look for? My hope is in you. Psalm 39:7
Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life? Since you cannot do this very little thing, why do you worry about the rest? Luke 12:25-26
The Lord is my strength and my shield; my heart trusts in him, and I am helped. Psalm 28:7
Unless the Lord had given me help, I would have soon dwelt in the silence of death. When I said, "My foot is slipping," your love, Oh Lord, supported me. When anxiety was great within me, your consolation brought joy to my soul. Psalm 94:17-19
2 comments:
Oh, Colleen, of course you have those worries. But, look how strong and smart you are. You know that they are real, but they don't consume you. You are living each day like it's a precious gift. YOU are a precious gift. Keep writing, loving and living.
Peace,
Mary
Colleen,
This is the first time I have read your blogs. I have no makeup left on my face. I am so sorry for what you and your family are going through. I just can't imagine. I am in BSF (Bible Study Fellowship) and the leader is always reminding us of what God says..."Eyes on Me,Beloved, Eyes on ME!" Remain strong in your faith and know that God is in control of all your circumstances. Many prayers are going your way! Love and blessings,Laura
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