Christmas

We had a low-key Christmas this year. Very different from last year's cancer drama. Very nice that it was different. We spent Christmas eve day around the house. I baked 4 different kinds of cookies. The kids bounced off the walls with excitement.

The day went quick and then it was time to head to church. Dan was running the sound board for the Christmas eve service and I was singing a solo so we had to be there early
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Our Christmas eve service is always so beautiful. I love singing the traditional Christmas carols and lighting the candles at the end as we all sing Silent Night.

We headed home with the children and had fondue for our Christmas eve meal. We let the kids open one present and then we watched a Christmas movie.

We sent the kiddos to bed and Dan and I stayed up late. I made homemade cinnamon rolls and we stuffed the stockings.

Someone woke us up around 8 and we all piled downstairs to open gifts. We opened our stockings at the end. We played with all the new stuff and ate a Christmas day meal of herb and garlic crusted pork roast, double cheddar holiday biscuits and scalloped russet and sweet potatoes. (recipes in December 2011 issue of Better Homes and Gardens.)

I find myself, today, feeling a bit melancholy. Christmastime is my favorite time of the year as I often remind my children and husband. When it's over it takes me awhile to adjust to the fact that it has come and gone and I will have to wait another year for the wonder and excitement of it all.

The gift given to us by our heavenly Father in the form of his son come to earth as a tiny babe is not just a one day celebration. I do wish to carry the spirit of Christmas with me all year through. I'm wishing the same for you.

Merry Christmas and Happy New Year!

Bless Us All

I love Christmas movies. One of my favorites happens to be The Muppets Christmas Carol. I just watched it this morning. It is, in my opinion, one of the best renditions of A Christmas Carol. It's funny and sweet and Michael Cain's performance as Ebenezer Scrooge is excellent.

One of the scenes I love is when Tiny Tim sings a song called Bless Us All. I love the words to it. Here they are.

Bless Us All


Life is full of sweet surprises
Everyday's a gift
The sun comes up and I can feel it lift my spirit
Fills me up with laughter, fills me up with song
I look into the eyes of love and know that I belong

Bless us all, who gather here
The loving family I hold dear
No place on earth, compares with home
And every path will bring me back from where I roam
Bless us all, that as we live
We always comfort and forgive
We have so much, that we can share
With those in need we see around us everywhere
 
Let us always love each other 
Lead us to the light
Let us hear the voice of reason, singing in the night
Let us run from anger and catch us when we fall
Teach us in our dreams and please, yes please
Bless us one and all 

Bless us all with playful years 
With noisy games and joyful tears
We reach for you and we stand tall 
And in our prayers and dreams
We ask you bless us all

We reach for you and we stand tall 
And in our prayers and dreams we ask you 
Bless us all

The Struggle For Today

One by one, my children tiptoe into my room and pile into my big bed in the soft, gray morning light. We pull the warm, down cover up to our chins and giggle. Shelby tells a story that she's made up to the other three. Boots jumps up on the bed and walks around the bed looking like a regal prince. We bask in the quiet, together time.

I'm glad the children have come in this morning. My head is filled with thoughts of my own mortality. I have had a gruesome dream while I sleep and maybe that has set my thoughts in this direction.

My body aches terribly with each waking. My ribs have been hurting and my doctor assures me that it's just the Herceptin speaking in my body. My mind goes with it and I think of stage 4 cancer and it running rampant through my body. I see my funeral and my beloved man. He and and I are no longer two halves but one whole. To take one away is unthinkable. I feel my children's pain. I think about them living without a mother's direction. I think about all the milestones in their lives that I will miss and I am overcome with emotions and I weep.

Then, God's word penetrates the fog of despair that has settled in my mind. 2 Corinthians 10:5 says that "we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ." I know that I must get control of my thoughts. Proverbs 16:9 tells me that, "In his heart a man plans his course, but the lord determines his steps".  Be strong and courageous. God's word tells me, "Do not be terrified; do not be discouraged for the lord your God will be with you wherever you go". Joshua 1:9

I will work the rest of the day getting my thoughts in order. I need to spend quiet time in His word and tell Him of my fears. I know I can trust my Father. His plan for my life, whatever that is, is good enough for me.

***Update***
In my Bible reading today I came across some powerful verses and had a devotional that spoke directly to me. I know that choosing to think thoughts of life, thankfulness and praise is what He wants from me. I choose today to live by faith.


A happy heart is good medicine and a cheerful mind works healing, but a broken spirit dries up the bones. Proverbs 17:22


The mind of sinful man is death, but the mind controlled by the Spirit is life and peace. Romans 6:8


Because your love is better than life, my lips will glorify you. I will praise you as long as I live, and in your name I will lift up my hands. My soul will be satisfied as with the richest of foods; with singing lips my mouth will praise you. Psalms 63:3-5


We live by faith, not by sight. 2 Corinthians 5:7

Spaghetti Casserole and Other Stuff

The snow is gently falling outside my windows as I type this and all I can think about is, "It's about time!". We haven't had any measurable snow as of yet this season and I'm missing it.

So, the pace around here has been ramped up. Christmastime brings such a flurry of activity, doesn't it?

On Tuesday, after doing school with the children, helping them all practice piano, 80 loads of laundry (exaggerated only slightly), cooking breakfast and lunch, attempting to leave the house early for a Christmas party I had that evening so I could run some errands, and what seemed like a gazillion other things, I get a call from a friend who tells me that I signed up to bring a meal to church that night. Big Sigh.

Our church is part of an inter-faith hospitality network which houses homeless people for a week, four times a year. I love helping with this event and having our children involved. It's so easy for us to be comfortable and forget those who are not so fortunate as us.

So, I'm thinking to myself that I really don't have time to add another thing to my plate. How could I have signed up for this and not entered it into my calendar on my phone which is really my brain. Without it, I don't even remember where I live. :) I get off the phone and I'm racking my brain to come up with something easy, tasty and kid friendly. It's going to be one family of five and a mother and daughter plus the hosts for the evening and my family that I need to feed.

My phone rings again and it's my friend who is also the children's piano teacher. She is asking if I would mind postponing the piano lessons until the next day. I am excited that I can cross one item off my list for the rest of the afternoon. I explain to her that it works well for us to postpone and then I tell her why. She says she has this great recipe for a spaghetti casserole (up here in Minnesota, they call it a hot dish) that I should try.

I whipped up two casseroles, bought a loaf of french bread, a bag of salad, a gallon of milk and ice cream bars and the meal was good to go.

Wow, I said all of that to say this. This is an excellent casserole! Here's the recipe. Hope you enjoy.

Spaghetti Bake
1 1/2 lbs. ground beef cooked - I seasoned mine with Italian seasoning and salt and pepper
1/2 diced onion into the ground beef while it's cooking
1 1b of spaghetti noodles - cooked
1 cup milk
1 egg
1 can of spaghetti sauce - I used Hunt's Meat Sauce this time
mozzarella cheese
Parmesan cheese
Pepperoni

• Put cooked noodles in bottom of 9x13 pan. 
• Mix milk and egg together and pour over noodles. 
• Put a layer of mozzarella cheese over the noodles. 
• Ground beef next. 
• Pour can of spaghetti sauce over that.
• Another layer of mozzarella
• top with diced up pepperoni pieces

Pop into the oven for 30 - 40 minutes at 350 degrees.

Boob Shopping

Dan and I went to the cities on Friday to visit with two plastic surgeons. We left the house at 5:45 in the morning because our first appointment was at 8 a.m. I am filling out paper work en route so that I will have it finished when we get there. One question on the form is, "Why are you visiting us today?". Dan and I are laughing and talking about it and I decide to write "boob shopping" on the form.

The first surgeon is a handsome man. I guess one should think twice about hiring an ugly plastic surgeon. :) When he walks into the room with my paperwork he says to me, "I have never had anyone put that reason on this form". We all have a good laugh about it.

Anyway, the surgeon did a great job explaining the different procedures and options available to me. He had a paper with a little diagram on it so he could explain in more detail.

Some of you may not know this about my big guy - he can gut an elk or deer without blinking an eye but he's very squeamish when it comes to talk about blood, our bodies, surgeries, or anything of that nature.  When I had to have an emergency c-section to deliver the triplets, the anesthesiologist made it very clear to Dan that if he passed out in the delivery room that he would need to fall in a way that wouldn't interfere with the surgery because he didn't have time to deal with Dan if that is what happened.

On with the story. I'm listening intently to the surgeon when I hear Dan say, "Excuse me, I need to go to the restroom". He gets up to walk out of the room and I catch a glimpse of his profile and I can see that he is as pale as a ghost. The surgeon asks if Dan wants him to wait for him to come back before he continues with more details and Dan tells him to go on without him.

Later, Dan tells me that he goes into the hallway to splash some water on his face and walk up and down the corridor until he feels well enough to join me back in the room.

It really makes my heart go pitter-patter that my man knows that he's squeamish and that he hates surgery details but he goes in there with me anyway because he knows I need his support. I couldn't ask for a better person to be by my side through all this mess.

We visit another surgeon who looks a little like a mad scientist. He has completely different ideas about reconstructive surgery.

We stop by the Mall of America and hit Cabela's on our way out of town.

I sigh a big sigh of relief. I have gotten my three opinions. Another check mark on my list of things to do.

Now, I just have to decide what route to take.

Done, Finito, Terminado

I finished my last treatment today. It was super busy today in ambulatory services. There were no dancers, streamers, or a live news report announcing that I finished chemo but it felt like there should have been.

I did come home to a house decorated by my beloved children. Streamers and a banner saying, Happy Last Herceptin". And balloons. I'm pretty sure they love me. :)

So that's it. This is the point I've been working toward all year.

God is good. Every day a sweet, sweet gift.

Bring it on.

I intend to embrace life with much relish!

We pray that you'll have the strength to stick it out over the long haul - not the grim strength of gritting your teeth but the glory-strength God gives. It is strength that endures the unendurable and spills over into joy. Colossians 1:11 MSG