Worry

There are days when my faith takes a beating. Days when I still throw around the "why" questions. When I wonder what my outcome will be. When I compare my trials to those of others.

On these days, I worry about my children and not seeing their milestones like getting their driver's licenses or weddings. I worry about my husband and not being here to share a rocking chair on the porch with my dear man late in the sunset of our lives.

I worry about money and how we will manage while I take some time off. I worry about my cancer and it's response to chemo. I wonder if there is more I should be doing, seeking experts on my disease. Is there a missing link somewhere?

I worry that I'm not a good friend, wife, mother or sister.

I guess I can worry with the best of them. One thing I do know is that all that "wallerin'" (my dad's from the south, can ya tell?) must have a time limit put on it.

I just have to keep coming back to what I know to be true. I open His word to be assured of the things I know about Him. He numbered my days when he made me and worrying won't change that.

Instead, I want to concentrate on seizing each day. I want to wring out of each day the things that I'm suppose to learn, the love that I'm suppose to give, share the joy and passion for life that God put in me. He has things for me to do and I don't want to miss them just because I have a little thing called cancer.

But now Lord, what do I look for? My hope is in you. Psalm 39:7

Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life? Since you cannot do this very little thing, why do you worry about the rest? Luke 12:25-26

The Lord is my strength and my shield; my heart trusts in him, and I am helped. Psalm 28:7

Unless the Lord had given me help, I would have soon dwelt in the silence of death. When I said, "My foot is slipping," your love, Oh Lord, supported me. When anxiety was great within me, your consolation brought joy to my soul. Psalm 94:17-19

Chemo Update #7

Three posts in one day? The steroids have me rockin' today! :) Whoo hoo!

I had an appointment with my doc today. Things are progessing well and it looks like I will be having my surgery around the week of March 13. Understand this could change at any time if my white blood cells drop or chemo has to be delayed for any reason. We will just pray that doesn't happen.

Chemo still seems to be doing it's job. He did change one of my medications because it was causing me to have many headaches. The plus to this new one is that it's an injection and not a 30 minute iv bag so my day was even shorter. I was out of there by 1:30. 5 chemo left!

A few ways that you can be praying for me are: my feet are going numb from the chemo drugs. We knew this was a possible side effect as the drugs damage nerve endings. My doctor said these could be permanent but I know that with God all things are possble and I'm praying that the damage will be reversed once I'm done with chemo. Pray that I don't have problems with stumbling and walking due to the numbness.

Pray about my work situation. I am hoping to be done working soon. I have been working full time still and due to many reasons, I am wanting to be able to take some time off until after surgery. Pray that God works out all the details and that He will provide all we need.

As stated above, pray that the chemo does what it's suppose to do and that all my levels stay high enough that chemo will not have to be delayed.

---------------------------------------------------------

On a side note, it was -37 degrees when I got out of bed this morning! That's not windchill but air temperature folks! My car was parked outside at work and I was praying all the way out there that it would start because my appointment was at 8 a.m. Turns out we really didn't need to hurry because my doctor was stuck in a snow bank.

Speaking of snow banks, I came around the corner on my street on Wednesday and slid my car, engine first into a snow bank. I buried her up to the grill in snow. Some have since told me that they think I drive a little too fast for road conditions but I'm not sure about that. :0 I have some pretty bald tires that need replacing.

Anyway, my car just happened to be straddling the neighbor's driveway. Thankfully, they are snowbirds (wimpy people) who are not home currently. My husband was at work and so I walked home. The walk was quite a bit farther that I thought and the temperature a balmy 2 degrees. Did you know that body warmth escapes through a bald head very quickly? I had on a cute, little scarf over my head because I was at an appointment but it had 0 warmth factor! :) I made it home safely and if I had looked a little more closely in my car before departing it could have had mittens and a nice hat on my bald head. I guess it was a great day for a walk! (PS: Dan was able to pull my car out that evening when he got home.)

I look behind me and You're there, then up ahead and You're there, too -
Your reassuring presence, coming and going.
This is too much, too wonderful! Psalm 139:5 The Message

Plastic Jesus

Wow! I had the opportunity to watch a short video that is completely amazing! I have to say that I lived my life this way at one time. My faith was plastic and shallow. Then, through some difficult circumstances, God drew me to Himself. I'm pretty sure that is the only way God can get through our thick skulls sometimes! :) Knowing, really knowing Jesus, brings change to our lives. What would it really look like if we lived like Jesus taught us, day in and day out not just on Sundays? What a cool world that would be.

click here to watch this YouTube video.

Inflammatory Breast Cancer Information

I was thinking that if I put some information on my blog about Inflammatory Breast Cancer and it helped even one woman that would be awesome. I'm asking you to spread the word about this type of breast cancer because the general public does not know about IBC. 1 out of 8 women will be diagnosed with breast cancer. 2-5 % will be Inflammatory Breast Cancer. That seems like a small number until it happens to your mom, daughter, sister or wife. So spread the information. It could be a life that you save.

Not only does the general public NOT know about Inflammatory Breast Cancer but a lot of doctors have no clue either. This is where getting the information to you is so vital. Many women have died because their doctor delayed treatment because they thought it was just an infection.

What is IBC or Inflammatory Breast Cancer?

• Inflammatory Breast Cancer (IBC) is THE MOST aggressive type of breast cancer in which the cancer cells block the lymph vessels in the skin of the breast. This type of breast cancer is called “inflammatory” because the breast often looks swollen and red, or “inflamed”, sometimes overnight.


• IBC accounts for 1 to 5 percent (these numbers vary depending on their source) of all breast cancer cases in the United States. It tends to be diagnosed in younger women compared to non-IBC breast cancer.


• IBC lies in sheets (or nests), not the usual lump women are told to look for, thus rarely seen on routine mammograms.


• Inflammatory Breast Cancer occurs more frequently and at a younger age in African Americans than in Whites. The median age range of IBC patients is between 45 and 55 years old, but may be either younger or older.


• Like other types of breast cancer, IBC can occur in men.


• The 5-year median survival rate is approximately 40%, mainly due to delays in diagnosis, a physician's lack of expertise in treating IBC and its resistance to treatment with standard chemotherapy drugs.


• IBC is treated differently, because it is different.

One important thing I think you need to know is that with IBC there is not usually a lump (mine was more of an hard area in the breast that felt like mastitis). Also, mammograms do not usually pick up IBC because there is no lump. (I had several mammograms and ultrasounds that showed nothing.)

Signs of IBC

• a swollen breast


• a painful breast


• a incessant itchy breast


• a rash on one breast


• a bug bite that won't go away


• nipple changes (hardening, lumpy or flattened out)


• a hardened area in the breast but not a lump

I think most of us know our bodies pretty well. Pay attention, if something seems strange don't ignore it. Be your own advocate. Do research. Don't let your doctor placate you and say things are OK. I might still be fighting an "infection" if I hadn't been persistent.

One last thing, men can get breast cancer and Inflammatory Breast Cancer also!

There are some great websites out there addressing Inflammatory Breast Cancer and you can google them for more details. I pulled some information from this website. You can also shoot me questions anytime and I'd be happy to answer or direct you to someone who can answer your questions.

Click here to watch a short piece done on IBC by Komo TV in Seattle Washington.

---------------------------------------------------------

Several of you asked how you could sign up to get notices when I update my blog. I moved the area to do that to the top of the sidebar so it's easier to find. I think you need to have a google account but that is easy to sign up for and by clicking on the sidebar, it will direct you through it.

Thanks again for your love and support!

from hair to no hair days

1st step - short cut.



Don't ask - guess I'm praying :)




My friends with my wigs and hats on - gorgeous bunch eh?



The final step - getting rid of the itchy stubble.







Chemo today with my friend Stacy.




Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting; but a woman who fears the LORD is to be praised. Proverbs 31:29-31




Indeed, the very hairs of your head are all numbered. Don’t be afraid; you are worth more than many sparrows. Luke 12:6-8

Hairless Babe

Well, my hair started falling out last week. I went with my sister while she was here to have it cut short. It looked really cute but as I was washing my hair in the shower the other day, I realized that a lot of it was stuck to my hands and trying to go down the drain.

It was time to gather the troops. I asked a few friends to come over and Dan took up the clippers and shaved my head down to nubbins. Now you wouldn't believe how many people tell me I look just like Demi Moore in GI Jane. The similarity is uncanny. Yeah, right. Anyway, I have some cute hats and I tried on some of the wigs that my sister-in-law sent up. My friends gave me the thumbs up or thumbs down sign.

My kids were right there watching. Macy burst into tears but seems to have come to terms with it now as she wanted to see my bald head first thing this morning. Kylie thinks it's cool and wants to shave hers off to match. Levi said he didn't really like it and Shelby is very encouraging.

I can tell you now that it's a little chillier without your hair. I had enough hair for 3-4 people so my head was really warm. It will grow back. Unlike my breasts who's days are numbered. Still working through that one, though.

Chemo 5 went well. I am definitely in a pattern of feeling good on Wednesdays, Thursdays, Fridays and Saturdays. Sundays, Mondays and Tuesdays are tough. It's not just "fatigue". It's really hard to describe how one's body feels - I guess like everything is a supreme effort, walking neck deep through mud.

Anyway, this week will mark the 1/2 way point for me on this first go round with chemo. I am actually looking forward to my time off around surgery as I will have about a month without chemo.

We have returned to school this week. The kids are actually happy to be back on a schedule of sorts. I am so pleased to be teaching again. "Normal" life feels pretty good!


May the God of hope fill you with joy and peace as you trust in him. Romans 15:13

(This verse was given to me 3 times in one day. I love it when God speaks!)

Dr visit and 4th chemo

Hi all! It's time for an update!

I saw the doctor - my oncologist - on Tuesday. I now have a bit more of a plan after our visit. I have a total of 12 weeks of chemo this first go around. I will have several weeks off of chemo before my double masectomy and a few weeks off after. Then, there will be more chemo and radiation. He said that things were looking good. Swelling in my breast has gone down and it has returned to a normal color and no more orange peel skin. Probably more than you ever wanted to know about my boob but I guess it goes with the territory! :)

My fourth chemo treatment was on Friday. I have been tolerating it well. We were able to get through the treatment in 5 - 5 1/2 hours. Last week, I had my tired days on Christmas day and Sunday but the rest of the week was really good. I had energy and felt almost normal. :)

We have had some wonderful snow fall over the past few days. I love how God covers the earth with such a pristine white. We made some beautiful ice candles for the front porch last night. My sister had never made them before.

We stayed in last night for New Year's Eve. We made tons of fun appetizers and played cards most of the evening. My sis brought silly string and the kiddos had a great time spraying it all over the house. We had a great time!

Silly string everywhere! :)

My sister and I.

Getting chemo.

God is our refuge and strength, an ever-present help in trouble. Therefore we will not fear, though the earth give away and the mountains fall into the heart of the sea, though it's waters roar and foam and the mountains quake with their surging. Psalm 46:1-3