I'm Alive, I'm Alive, I'm Alive

Just wanted to post and let you know that I am doing well! Last Sunday, I felt pretty rough still but Dan took me out to breakfast and we ate out on the deck by the water at a local restaurant. It felt so good to get outside and for some reason it made me feel alive again. Someone surprised us and paid for our meal anonymously. What a treat.

By Monday, I was doing most of my normal routine. So, I actually was feeling better this go around sooner. What a blessing. I can't help but think it's because of your prayers for me. You don't know how much I appreciate them!

I haven't gotten in the dirt yet. I've planted a few pots here and there. I picked out a spot for the garden that I think will get good afternoon sun. Dan will turn over the soil for me this week and then we'll be able to get plants in the ground.

It's been cool and rainy here and we had a big storm last night that blew down three of our trees. In Colorado, tree roots have to go way down into the ground to find water. The trees out there can withstand high winds. Here, it seems like the trees blow over so easy because all the roots are on the surface. They don't have to search far for water. Hmmm, I think there is a life lesson in there somewhere.

Just wanted you to know that I'm alive and well. Dreading the next treatment but excited that I have only two left. I see the light at the end of the tunnel.

A righteous man may have many troubles, but the Lord delivers him from them all; he protects all his bones, not one of them will be broken. Psalm 34:19-20

Second Round Down

Had my second round of chemo today. Tried a few different things to help with nausea but it doesn't seem to be working so far. I sit here in my bed with my puke bowl beside me. It would help if it didn't take an act of God for me to throw up. I've always been very resistant to throwing up and I think that is bad sometimes. I think relief would come for a bit if I could just get the job done.

I have new medicine for the nausea and took it this afternoon on the way home. unfortunately, one of the side effects is a terrible headache which I now have along with the sick stomach. I'm sure they are trying to kill me. :)

I will be half way done when I get through with this round. Can I do two more? I just don't want to think about it now but I can't help but think about it.

I'm sorry that my posts are not light and fun lately. I need to be real here, though, and that includes the good and the bad, the ups and the downs. Writing helps me process what is going on.

I don't know that I've ever done anything this difficult in my life. Maybe the pregnancy with the triplets comes close. I was so sick during that time, also. I see many similarities between these two times in my life.

I loved this quote that I came across from Mother Teresa. She said, "I know God won't give my anything I can't handle. I just wish he didn't trust me so much."

I do know that God has showered me with blessings that have come because of this horrid disease. Just recently, I have received from others awesome meals brought to our door, housecleaning every Friday by different ladies in our church, money from friends at MOPS and Tuesday morning bible study to go shopping for clothes for myself, a check in the mail from a cousin and someone from church, a cute outfit for me to wear from my mother-in-law and sister-in-law, a meal out with a friend, a picnic where we didn't have to bring anything, and the list goes on and on.

It's like God is telling me that he knows what I am going through is hard and then showering me with love from others. I do feel loved. Thank you all from the bottom of my heart.

I need to go now. As always, please keep me in your prayers. I can only do this through Christ who gives me strength.

Good night, sleep tight

When it's night time around here, we have a definite routine we go through. The kids don't let us forget it either. Dan prays with the kids. I sing to them. Two songs. Not sure how I selected these songs but I've been singing the same two songs since Shelby was tiny and I was still rocking her to sleep. I sing Blue Christmas (all year round), and You Are My Sunshine.

What nightly routines do you have with your kids?

Some pics

The girls at the last AWANA evening.

My awesome nurses!

Dusteen with my icky medicine - I told her she needed to look mean with these huge syringes. She didn't pull it off. :)




My sister came on Thursday from Colorado. My kids and her at the Mall of America. We had a great day!

What's Up With Colleen

It was a very rough eight days following my chemo treatment but I'm up, around, and feeling pretty good. I was told to expect a week of "bad" followed by a week of "so-so" and then a few days of good right before treatment again. Fortunately, the week of "so-so" has been pretty good.

Since I was on steroids that I took over a five day period I experienced some severe depression. Like I shared before, I have problems with steroids. It feels like I was in a deep, dark hole that swallowed me up for those 8 days. I can't seem to control the thoughts of helplessness and the feeling that I can't get through this. After I stop taking the steroids, my mind seems to return to normal and I process everything like usual. I really hate this part of chemo.

I went in today to have labs worked up. My white cell count has plummeted. She said I wasn't quarantined to the house and I'm so glad for that. I will just have to be very careful to avoid anyone with an infection or sickness. Lots of hand washing for all of us.

Spring is coming to the north slowly this year. We have had gray days and some rain but the grass is a nice shade of green and the trees have finally popped with buds. I am ready for the warm weather and sunshine.

I'm ready to get my fingers in the dirt and to plant some flowers and vegetables. Dan and I had made two raised beds for vegetables last year... and then we moved. We have more trees and shade here so I'm not sure where to plant. I just know I want a garden again. Isn't it the best when you eat something you raised?

Please pray for me this coming week as I have another chemo treatment on Tuesday, May 17. I so covet your prayers and I know that I can get through this with God's help. Pray that myself and my family would have a supernatural "bubble" around us protecting us from anything infectious. Thank you from the bottom of my heart.

When I said, "My foot is slipping." your love, O Lord, supported me. When anxiety was great within me, your consolation brought joy to my soul. Psalm 94:18-19

Teach me your way, O Lord, and I will walk in your truth: give me an undivided heart, that I may fear your name. I will praise you, O Lord my God, with all my heart; I will glorify your name forever. For great is your love toward me: you have delivered me from the depths of the grave. Psalm 86:11-13