The C Word...

You wouldn't know how many times I have started a post and just not finished it. Do I have blogger's block? I just can't seem to complete a thought. I think the last time I posted something was the middle of October. So much as happened since then.



Toward the end of October I noticed a lump in my breast - not a small pea size but a whole area that seemed to be hard. I told Dan and he encouraged me to make an appointment with the doctor. I was able to see one that same day. I was given two mamograms and an ultrasound. Nothing of concern appeared in those images. They told me to come back in six months to have it rechecked. After a few days, the hardened area seemed to grow and it became quite painful.



I decided to visit the doctor again. I was given another ultra sound with no conclusion. I was told that I either had a breast infection or inflammatory breast cancer. Doc thought that I had an breast infection so I was prescribed a strong antibiotic. After being on the antibiotic 7 of the 10 days I went back to the doctor because I didn't think there was any change. We talked about it and decided that a biopsy was our next step. The day before Thanksgiving, I went in for my breast biopsy.



I am still waiting for my results. Monday was the day I was suppose to get the results, then Tuesday. Now, tomorrow is suppose to be the day. Yes, it's been stressful. I can't say that I haven't gone through every scenario in my mind and what that will bring to me and my family. I can't say that I haven't felt the cold hand of fear gripping my neck. I can't way that I haven't wondered why.



I CAN say that all of those feelings have been replaced by a surreal sense of peace. When I received the first call yesterday saying that I wouldn't hear Monday but Tuesday and then when I received the second call telling me that I wouldn't hear Tuesday but Wednesday, I felt a bit of frustration but I didn't dwell on it. I had the most awesome time of prayer and time in God's word. The peace really settled in after that. I know that there are people all over this country praying for me. I have had over 100 text messages and numerous calls from friends and family over the past few days. I have felt this incredible love.



It wasn't a mind over matter thing. There is a God and he gives this kind of peace. John 16:33 tells us, "“I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.” 2 Thessalonians 3:16 says this, "Now may the Lord of peace himself give you peace at all times and in every way. The Lord be with all of you.



Let me just say this, I am thankful and feel so blessed no matter what the outcome is tomorrow. I can't believe God has given me an incredible husband whom I love more and more each day. I still am in awe of the four, beautiful children He has allowed me to mother. I can't believe that I live in a country as awesome as the United State of America - as flawed as she may seem at times. I know that God loves me. I know that God is good, all the time. I know that whatever comes tomorrow, God will be with me and he will give me strength.


I will post again when I receive news. Until then, peace to you!

Summer Reflections From the Rear View Mirror

Happy Birthday My Sweet Firstborn!

Today my eldest child turns twelve. It just doesn't seem possible. It seems like I should still have her cuddled up to my breast while I rock and and sing her a lullaby. Time goes so quickly.

Twelve years ago, I think I was trying to catch some sleep after an incredibly hard night of labor. Dan and I had attended classes and had chosen a midwife and natural childbirth. We really wanted what we thought was best for our little one but sometimes we don't get what we want.

We went to the hospital on the 27th and checked in. I was in labor. It didn't take long for it to get ugly! Up until a few weeks before, Shelby had been flip flopping and had finally settled head down. Problem was she faced the wrong way. After spending the whole night in incredible pain because of back labor, I begged my husband to talk to whoever he needed to talk to to get me an epidural. As per our plan, he patted me on the arm and said, "Let's wait a half an hour". I spat back at him, "NO, NOW. GET ME DRUGS NOW!" Within the hour, I had my epidural and I was a much nicer person for awhile. I remember sleep finally coming.

After 1 1/2 hours of pushing, our little Shelby announced HER arrival into the world around 3:30 pm on the 28th. I was sure she was a he. I think both of us were rather surprised.

We drove home with her in the big, green truck. She was so small. Our lives would never be the same again!

Now, she's twelve. Gone are the days of pig tails and training wheels. Gone are the sippy cups and sticky kisses. Gone are the nights she would appear at our bedside with a story of being afraid and then promptly wedge herself between her daddy and I. Gone are the days she would get sick in her daddy's truck or on him even though he was the one who could least stomach it. Gone are her pudgy little fingers and chubby cheeks.

In place of those things a young woman has bloomed! She is such a beauty and I'm not just referring to her outward appearance. She has a good heart. She has a love for her heavenly Father that will lead her in all the right places. She is outgoing and adventurous. She makes friends easily and is a born leader. She is a planner and a great party decorator. She's big sister extraordinaire. She's a bit of a drama queen - ok, a lot of a drama queen. She's God's gift to her daddy and I, that's for sure!

Happy twelfth birthday my dearest daughter. You are such a joy to have around! May God bless your coming year. Love Him more and He will bless you abundantly!

Yummy Summer Recipe

While I should be posting some great summer pictures, or pictures of my new bed that Dan built, I am going to share a great recipe.



This is from my Taste of Home magazine August/September 2010 issue. I just happened to have Italian sausage links in the freezer and was looking for a recipe to use them in. Here goes:



Fire Island Ziti

2 lbs plum tomatoes halved lengthwise (I used Romas because that's what I have in my garden)
3 Tbsp olive oil, divided
2 garlic cloves
1 tsp salt
8 oz uncooked ziti (I used rigatoni I think)
2 c fresh broccoli florets (I used frozen)
1 lb Italian sausage links, cut into 1/2 inch slices
1/2 tsp crushed red pepper flakes (I was more generous with this as we like heat)
1/3 c grated Romano or Parmesan cheese



Toss tomatoes with 2 Tbsp oil, garlic and salt. Place cut side down in a baking pan. Bake at 450 degrees for 20-25 minutes. Chop when cool enough to handle.

Cook pasta according to directions, adding broccoli during last 4 minutes. Meanwhile, in large skillet over medium heat, cook sausage in remaining oil until no longer pink. Add pepper flakes; cook 1 min longer. Stir in tomatoes and heat through.

Drain pasta/broccoli; toss with sausage mixture. Sprinkle with cheese.



Then, we made this bread to go with the pasta.



Monterey Ranch Bread

Brush split loaf french bread with melted butter; broil until browned. Combine 2 c. shredded monterey jack cheese (didn't have that so I used mozzarella) with 3/4 c ranch dressing. Spread over bread. Bake at 350 degrees for 10 minutes or until cheese is melted. Sprinkle with parsley.

I don't know if you've ever gone to the Taste of Home website but it is chock full of super recipes to try. Here's the link:

http://www.tasteofhome.com/

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I am starting to enjoy the produce from my garden. It's so interesting but my tomato plants have some sort of disease but they are still producing tons of tomatoes. My peppers are not even blooming yet. I have had lettuce and cabbage from the garden. My one squash plant is going crazy and taking over the whole garden.

The funny thing is that last year I didn't plant one thing in the ground, I just left them in their pots on my back deck and I had a bumper crop of tomatoes and peppers. This year, I did the whole nine yards and my tomato plants are sick and my peppers are not blooming. Go figure!

I've been buying quite a bit of stuff at the local farmer's market enjoying sweet corn, beans, zucchini and peppers. I love this time of year!

Shelby's Team Takes 1st in Tournament

Ball season is over!

The ending came a week ago when Shelby's softball team played in an tournament to end the season. Her team was in first place for the season and they ended up taking 1st place in the tournament by winning all three games they played.

Her tournament was rained out on Saturday so they moved it to Sunday. That was fortunate because we picked up my sister and nephew in Minneapolis Saturday night and they were able to see Shelby play on Sunday.

Here's a blurb in the local newspaper.

http://www.pineandlakes.com/stories/072910/localsports_20100728109.shtml

Good job Shelby!

Happy 7th Birthday!

Can I tell you that motherhood fills me with one of the deepest senses of satisfaction and serenity. Yes, if you know me, you know that I can have some head spinning, Cybil type moments and these wondeful chilluns of mine have made me angrier than I've ever been before.

Mostly, I'm just filled with such a gratefulness that I've had and have the blessing of raising these four incredible human beings. I look at them, hear their voices, watch them with each other and their daddy and I'm in awe. I fully understand that God has picked me to mother them.

So, I have been going through pictures to do a tribute to the triplets today. They turn 7 and it's so fun to look back and see how they've grown. It's made me misty eyed several times.

In the beginning, the bumpy road that was these three little one's lives was tough to go down. I still get a certain feeling when I see pictures of them in the hospital. I am right back there, listening to the bells and alarms that were a daily part of our lives for four months.

I know that we both had an incredible peace that didn't come from us. Our situation dictated a much different response. God gave us that peace plain and simple. It didn't mean that we didn't have bad days, like the time they dumped a bunch of my breast milk because I hadn't labeled it properly and I sat there and sobbed or when we found out Levi had a hernia and needed an operation or when the days stretched into months and the loneliness was a constant companion, it just meant that the overarching theme of that time was abundant peace.

Just look at them now. They have grown into such interesting, little individuals. They make us smile and laugh daily. They bring sunshine to our lives. Thank you, Abba Father, for bringing them through their rough beginning to an abundant, vibrant life.

Happy 7th birthday my sweet, dear children.