MOA

We took a break from cancer and went with the Mall of America with the whole family - all eight of us. My mom and dad are here from Colorado to help with appointments and all the kids we have running around this house.



We left yesterday about 9 and returned last night at 12:30 p.m. We spent the day shopping and letting the kiddos ride the rides at the Nickelodeon Theme Park. The mall is decorated beautifully for Christmas and the shops are so varied and cool.



I had my fingernails buffed by some guy with a really bad accent who tried his hardest to sell be some priceless stuff from the Dead Sea. Run, if you see them coming at you! :)



We ate at the Rainforest Cafe for the kids.



For just a little while we all forgot about cancer. We laughed and ate and screamed (right, Shelby?). What a great day and such a nice getaway.



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Today, I went to the doctor for an echo cardiogram. It was to check my heart because the chemo meds can be hard on the ticker apparently. I found out my heart is strong in good shape. Then I met with my regular doc to talk a few things over.



I have a blood clotting disorder called factor 5 that I didn't even know about until I was in the hospital in labor with the triplets. Chemotherapy can cause clotting disorders also. Please pray that blood clots don't even become an issue for me.



Anyway, chemotherapy starts tomorrow morning at 9 a.m. I was told to prepare for about 6 hours this first time because they give it slowly to see how well I tolerate it.



I started on steroids tonight. They are suppose to help with chemotherapy. Last time I was on steroids I had just had the triplets and I was a little bit of a fruitcake. Ask Dan sometime for the full story. Suffice to say that we are praying that doesn't happen this time. :)



I get a port put in next week on Wednesday and I'm told that is a much nicer way to go than having an i.v. inserted each and every time I get chemo.



Ok, enough of the cancer talk.



Thank you, thank you, thank you to my dear family, friends and church family that have reached out during this time. We have so much to be thankful for!







So do not fear, for I am with you: do not be dismayed for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you: I will uphold you with my righteous right hand. Isaian 41:10

oncologist visit

I met my oncologist today. Seems like a pretty nice guy and he dumbed it down enough for us that it wasn't too difficult to follow. :) This is what I learned:

I start chemo on this Friday (12/10). I will have it every week for 8 - 18 weeks depending on how my cancer responds. Then, I will have the mastectomy followed by more chemotherapy and then radiation.

My cancer stage is 3B.

We asked about a prognosis and he wasn't ready to give one yet. He said he would see after awhile but this kind of cancer has a tendency to come back.

One huge praise is that I had no insurance and I found out today that I will be covered under a program for breast/cervical cancer patients. Completely covered, 100%, for a lifetime! Wow, God is so good!

Pray that I will tolerate the medication well because the list of side effects he went through today is frightening.

I think both Dan and I came out of our meeting with our heads spinning but I really feel much peace this evening. I can do this, one day at a time. Looking too far into the future can seem so bleak but I can do today. Thank goodness I serve a God who is not constrained by prognosis or stages or cancer. He has a plan for me and I'm good with that.



Be strong and courageous. Do not be terrified; do not be discouraged for the lord your God will be with you wherever you go. Joshua 1:9

In his heart a man plans his course, but the lord determines his steps. Proverbs 16:9

No Matter What by Kerrie Roberts

I’m running back to your promises one more time,
Lord that’s all I can hold on to,
I gotta say this has taken me by surprise,
but nothing surprises you.
Before a heartache can ever touch my life,
it has to go through Your hands,
and even though I, keep asking why, I keep asking why,

No matter what, I’m gonna love You,
no matter what I’m gonna need You,
I know that You can find a way to keep me from the pain but if not,if not,
I’ll trust you,
no matter what, no matter what.

When I’m stuck in this nothing-ness by myself,
I’m just sitting in silence,
there’s no way I can make it without Your help,
I wont even try it.
I know You have Your reasons for everything,
so I will keep believing,
whatever I might be feeling,
God you are my hope, and you'll be my strength,

No matter what, I’m gonna love You,
no matter what I’m gonna need You,
I know that You can find a way to keep me from the pain but if not, if not, I’ll trust you,
no matter what, no matter what.

Anything I don’t have You can give it to me,
but it’s ok if You don’t,
I’m not here for those things,
the touch of Your love is enough on its own,

no matter what I still love You
and I’m gonna need You
No matter what I’m gonna love you,
no matter what I’m gonna need you,
I know that You can find a way to keep me from the pain but if not, if not, I’ll trust You,
I know that You can find a way to keep me from the pain, but if not, if not, I’ll trust you,
no matter what
no matter what
no matter no matter what

Inflammatory Breast Cancer

Cancer. A word I never really thought would be associated with me. I have inflammatory breast cancer. I've been living with the news for about 6 days now.

I meet with my oncologist tomorrow and will have lots more information then. I will be starting chemo very soon.

Funny, I don't feel sick. I feel normal, just like me. So hard to believe there is an enemy inside of me.

I have cried and cried. I have picture the worse case scenario. I have worried and wept.

I have come down to this. I am going to trust God on this. I can look back and see how he's cared for me, how he's always provided, how he's loved me. He's always had my best interests at heart and I know that hasn't changed.

1 Corinthians 2:9 says this, "No eye has seen, no ear has heard, and no mind imagined what God has prepared for those who love him."

My hope is in him. I will praise him in yet another storm.



Here is an awesome song by Matthew West. Click on link to hear it on You Tube. Listen if you get a chance.

http://www.facebook.com/l.php?u=http%253A%252F%252Fwww.youtube.com%252Fwatch%253Fv%253DswKPS9q7rMU&h=fe9a6&ref=nf

The C Word...

You wouldn't know how many times I have started a post and just not finished it. Do I have blogger's block? I just can't seem to complete a thought. I think the last time I posted something was the middle of October. So much as happened since then.



Toward the end of October I noticed a lump in my breast - not a small pea size but a whole area that seemed to be hard. I told Dan and he encouraged me to make an appointment with the doctor. I was able to see one that same day. I was given two mamograms and an ultrasound. Nothing of concern appeared in those images. They told me to come back in six months to have it rechecked. After a few days, the hardened area seemed to grow and it became quite painful.



I decided to visit the doctor again. I was given another ultra sound with no conclusion. I was told that I either had a breast infection or inflammatory breast cancer. Doc thought that I had an breast infection so I was prescribed a strong antibiotic. After being on the antibiotic 7 of the 10 days I went back to the doctor because I didn't think there was any change. We talked about it and decided that a biopsy was our next step. The day before Thanksgiving, I went in for my breast biopsy.



I am still waiting for my results. Monday was the day I was suppose to get the results, then Tuesday. Now, tomorrow is suppose to be the day. Yes, it's been stressful. I can't say that I haven't gone through every scenario in my mind and what that will bring to me and my family. I can't say that I haven't felt the cold hand of fear gripping my neck. I can't way that I haven't wondered why.



I CAN say that all of those feelings have been replaced by a surreal sense of peace. When I received the first call yesterday saying that I wouldn't hear Monday but Tuesday and then when I received the second call telling me that I wouldn't hear Tuesday but Wednesday, I felt a bit of frustration but I didn't dwell on it. I had the most awesome time of prayer and time in God's word. The peace really settled in after that. I know that there are people all over this country praying for me. I have had over 100 text messages and numerous calls from friends and family over the past few days. I have felt this incredible love.



It wasn't a mind over matter thing. There is a God and he gives this kind of peace. John 16:33 tells us, "“I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.” 2 Thessalonians 3:16 says this, "Now may the Lord of peace himself give you peace at all times and in every way. The Lord be with all of you.



Let me just say this, I am thankful and feel so blessed no matter what the outcome is tomorrow. I can't believe God has given me an incredible husband whom I love more and more each day. I still am in awe of the four, beautiful children He has allowed me to mother. I can't believe that I live in a country as awesome as the United State of America - as flawed as she may seem at times. I know that God loves me. I know that God is good, all the time. I know that whatever comes tomorrow, God will be with me and he will give me strength.


I will post again when I receive news. Until then, peace to you!

Summer Reflections From the Rear View Mirror

Happy Birthday My Sweet Firstborn!

Today my eldest child turns twelve. It just doesn't seem possible. It seems like I should still have her cuddled up to my breast while I rock and and sing her a lullaby. Time goes so quickly.

Twelve years ago, I think I was trying to catch some sleep after an incredibly hard night of labor. Dan and I had attended classes and had chosen a midwife and natural childbirth. We really wanted what we thought was best for our little one but sometimes we don't get what we want.

We went to the hospital on the 27th and checked in. I was in labor. It didn't take long for it to get ugly! Up until a few weeks before, Shelby had been flip flopping and had finally settled head down. Problem was she faced the wrong way. After spending the whole night in incredible pain because of back labor, I begged my husband to talk to whoever he needed to talk to to get me an epidural. As per our plan, he patted me on the arm and said, "Let's wait a half an hour". I spat back at him, "NO, NOW. GET ME DRUGS NOW!" Within the hour, I had my epidural and I was a much nicer person for awhile. I remember sleep finally coming.

After 1 1/2 hours of pushing, our little Shelby announced HER arrival into the world around 3:30 pm on the 28th. I was sure she was a he. I think both of us were rather surprised.

We drove home with her in the big, green truck. She was so small. Our lives would never be the same again!

Now, she's twelve. Gone are the days of pig tails and training wheels. Gone are the sippy cups and sticky kisses. Gone are the nights she would appear at our bedside with a story of being afraid and then promptly wedge herself between her daddy and I. Gone are the days she would get sick in her daddy's truck or on him even though he was the one who could least stomach it. Gone are her pudgy little fingers and chubby cheeks.

In place of those things a young woman has bloomed! She is such a beauty and I'm not just referring to her outward appearance. She has a good heart. She has a love for her heavenly Father that will lead her in all the right places. She is outgoing and adventurous. She makes friends easily and is a born leader. She is a planner and a great party decorator. She's big sister extraordinaire. She's a bit of a drama queen - ok, a lot of a drama queen. She's God's gift to her daddy and I, that's for sure!

Happy twelfth birthday my dearest daughter. You are such a joy to have around! May God bless your coming year. Love Him more and He will bless you abundantly!